UnNews:Cosmonauts Install Windows on Space Station; Inevitable Happens

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14 June 2007

The sight which greeted Cosmonauts this morning

The International Space Station, Outer Space: Crisis today as computers which run the life-support systems crashed, threatening the future of the multi-billion dollar space project. And endangering the lives of a few cosmonauts as well.

NASA officials ordered an immediate enquiry, and soon found the answer: the Russian contingent had made the mistake of installing Windows ME on the Space Station's Computers.

A spokesman said:

The personnel on-board the station were panicking and in a state of extreme distress. Luckily we solved the problem for them by telling them to hit Control, Alt & Delete and re-boot the computers.

Asked why they had installed Windows ME on the International Space Station and not Windows Vista, NASA's spokesman responded:

Are you shitting me? Windows Vista doesn't work unless it is authenticated over the internet. Do you know how difficult it is to establish an Internet connection to outer-space? You can't just pay some phone company $30 a month to establish a broadband connection, I can tell you!

Cosmonaut Yakov Smirnoff was able to comment via radio from the space station:

Actually what most bothers us is the lack of technical support. We tried emailing Microsoft, but they couldn't give us a definite time when one of their IT guys would be able to come and visit the station to take a look. All they would specify was Mornings or afternoons.

In other news, Steve Jobs of Apple was seen doing cartwheels amidst rumours that his company's share price had rocketed.