UnNews:Bush Launches War on Quakes
| A newsstand that's brimming with issues | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 11:55:59 (UTC) |
| Bush Launches War on Quakes | 
|
30 May 2008
WASHINGTON DC --In an unexpected turn today, George Bush, Premier of the United States, announced the end of the war on Hurricane Katrina's and the begin of The War on Earthquakes.
"We need to buckle up and get ready for a ride. This war isnt going to be a quick in and out like we're all used to. This is China. And China is big. Or is this Japan? I can never remember which one is the Commie one... Oh well. We'll begin bombing both in a few minutes."
Congress has cut any possible funding for the foolish war. However, Social Security monies will be diverted from "liberal pensioners, minorities George Bush has never heard of, and non-Christians, mostly" to fund the unfunded war, according to Garth Brooks, Senior black spokesman for White House Buggery.
"We're going to smoke them quakes out of the holes they come from. We're gonna get 'em from every side. We got battleships all around, Death Star above, and we're gonna send a nuke through the earth and out the other side because I saw it in a movie," added a somewhat concious George Bush.
Sources[edit]
- Fox News "Fog of war extends over earthquakes". New York Times, May 28, 2008