UnNews:Bill Clinton Chosen New al-Qaida Leader in Iraq

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15 June 2006

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - In a surprise move, former United States President, Bill Clinton, has been chosen to head the al-Qaida terrorist group in Iraq, replacing Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who was killed in a June 7 U.S. airstrike. Clinton said he was honored to be chosen, and will work hard to rid the holy land of Iraq from the oppressive armies of the infidels.

"Of all the resumes we received after the untimely death of al-Zarqawi, Clinton's was by far the best," said Abu Hamza al-Muhajer, head of al-Qaida's executive search committee. "He has the necessary leadership experience, and charisma up the ying-yang." Osama bin Laden stated that although he's never met Clinton, he seems like a "good guy," and looks forward to working with him.

According to the Constitution, ex-Presidents are not specifically restricted from leading other nations or political entities, although his pension payment may be slightly revised. The only other former U.S. President to have gone from the White House to another leadership position was Theodore Roosevelt, who became President of Paraquay in 1923.

Clinton joked with reporters about his new job, saying that one of his first acts would be to "find out once and for all what's underneath those burkas."