UnNews:Apartments on the sun for rent

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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? UnNews Monday, November 29, 2021, 23:37:59 (UTC)

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Location, location, location

New cheap apartment complex on the sun opens[edit]

In today's society young teenagers with minimum wage jobs (such as Mcdonalds) are forced to rent crappy apartments that are so small you can go to the bathroom and cook breakfast at the same time. Well now there is a solution. There is a new apartment complex to be opened on the sun by NASA. The apartments are supposed to start around 1 penny a month, utilities not included (exept for the nasty moldy bra the old lady left). "At first i was skeptical." One patron said. "But now besides the lack of any water here, it is a very comfortable place. We haven't had a single onslaught of sub zero temperatures here, unlike in Canada where we moved from" Though death by dehydration or evaporation may be just right around the corner, there are no worry's during winter for there is no chance of being snowed in. For those who would prefer the snow to the heat, apartments on Pluto for rent will soon become available.

Resort to follow soon after[edit]

With how successful the apartments are already turning out to be there are plans for a resort. "I hope to be one of the first people to enter the resort." says star Paris Hilton. Though originally there were plans for a pool every time they came close to getting water on the sun it evaporated. NASA scientists are now contemplating a lava pool, or even an in-ground magma pool. The entrance fee to the pool to non resort tourists may be a negative value, with the resort paying tourists intelligent enough to enter a lava pool. Of course, these tourists will need to include NASA as beneficiaries of all property and money in their will.

Small City plans still in loop[edit]

With all these things happening at once, the head of the project in excitement said. "My fellow Americans i believe that we should not stop now. With the combined efforts of NASA and NAFLOTS (National Association For Landing On The Sun). I believe that we can land the city of Pittsburg on the sun." Many people agreed such as Tom Cruise and Kevin Federline that this was a good idea. Even the critics of this mission say that even if it is a failure the loss of Pittsburg isn't that big of a deal.

What does the Future Hold[edit]

NASA is considering steam rooms and expansion of the rental properties on the sun to the planet Mercury. Materials science is also currently being researched to find metals for the walls and plastics for the windows that will hold their shape properly for any length of time in the sun's intense climate.

This message is brought to you by NAFLOTSTTMAPWIELTMFATWDITP[edit]

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