UnNews:Angela Merkel lies down in a darkened room

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We have met the enemy, and he is us

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UnNews

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Monday, December 23, 2024, 14:21:59 (UTC)

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31 March 2011

Angela Merkel is ready for her lie down.

BERLIN, Germany-- Chancellor Angela Merkel has declined to see any more visitors or take phone calls for the foreseeable future, according to German press reports. She is apparently lying low in a room, in hopes that everything in 2011 has been a "very bad dream".

Once known as "Mighty Merkel" or "Die Iron Hausfrau", the pudding-basin-haircut leader had appeared to be the uncrowned financial Empress of Europe. But since the start of the year, Merkel has had a run of bad press which suggests that her pudgy hands have lost their grip.

First, it was sending more euros to the "feckin' Irish", followed by the pleading Portuguese and perhaps soon the Sangria-fueled Spanish. It was that or face them camping outside her door, rattling their cups. Then Angela's relationship with French President Nicolas Sarkozy went very sour as le pétit Napoleon made it clear he had no other interest in Germany than the money. The days of French and German leaders kissing, cuddling and bum-squeezing were now truly passed. Finally, Merkel's decision to abstain in a vote on a Libyan "No Fly Zone" won her no favours (or votes) in a recent local German election, where her party had its trousers fed through the shredder. Now, Merkel has told her advisers that she just needs a quiet lie down.

"The German chancellor needs some time to reflect on why everyone now thinks she is crap," admitted a spokesperson. "We have put her in a room and disconnected all Internet connections to avoid excitement." Frau Merkel says she will bounce back, but hopes sincerely that the "rat on the Seine" gets his tail caught in a Libyan sand desert.

Sources

• Staff "Angela Merkel faces challenge". Daily Mail, March 27, 2011

• Staff "Merkel loses another election". Daily Telegraph, March 28, 2011