UnBooks:Diary of an Uncyclopedia noob

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Hello. I'm a kid from the scary streets of Greece that left his home to live in a place called...


...and I'm about to tell you about the most exciting story I ever lived as an...



The arrival[edit]

I have to admit that when I arrived at Uncyclopedia people welcomed me with the best way. A welcome template saying that there is a person in this world that truly loves me, decorated my talk page and made me change my thoughts about Uncyclopedia. I used to think that Uncyclopedia is an awful place filled with cockroaches and mouses but then I realised that Uncyclopedia has got many pedos too. Soon the elite of Uncyclopedia started paying attention to me. I started feeling happy and protected. I was ready to make a new start here, cutoff from drugs.

The first, but exemplary, edits[edit]

When people started laughing at me I couldn't help but cry so I contacted Dr.Phil, a man who could help me

My first edits were sucking balls. People kept undo my edits and moving my pictures but I wasn't going to give up. I tried to endure the pressure and continue. Obviously these people wanted to make me lose my confidence and give up. Those times the establishment didn't allow ordinary users to be perfect. Things were fine for a few days but then another blow came by to destroy my delight. BAD ENGLISH! People started laughing at me because of my bad English and my Greek origin. Suddenly another good user comes and changes everything with her decision of putting me in the army. People started showing respect to me. Quickly I became THE KING OF UNCYCLOPEDIA well, maybe not. What I really want to say is that I wasn't the small ant anymore. I had begun to gather strength in order to use it to create a kind of Nazi regime, conquer Uncyclopedia and burn all the black guys.

Fame brings enemies[edit]

With the first dose of fame enemies started approaching me with Bullshitremover being the first person who ever vandalised my page. Later other users like SPIKE and ChiefjusticeDS who were probably jealous of my fame, tried to annoy me with other, more distinctive, ways like deleting my pages and scolding me, in order to make me look worse at my fans eyes. They also tried to confuse me, with all those <span> tags and the VFD rules. These people brought me to the brink of madness but I wasn't going to give up.

Noob of the Month. A big change(not really) coming[edit]

Me, taking the NotM award

I never thought I would ever be nominated for Noob of the Month. Goodfella Aleister's action to nominate me and vote "for" made me think that I'm not alone in this cold world because I had A FRIEND even if I already knew he would ask me to pay him for the nomination and the vote. Having someone who cares for me made me fly in the skies. Seeing his act other users started supporting me and voted for me, so by the end of the month I had the most votes so I won this award, but nothing really changed. The day I won this award was just a simple day like all the others. Only a few people congratulated me. I remember this was the time I earned my first "Thank you" template for voting for some guy at the Writer of the Month award. Poor man... doesn't know I was probably drunk when I voted for him... anyway the changes I expected did not appear but I didn't worry. At least no one scolded me... for a while. SPIKE started telling me again about my mistakes at the Votes for deletion page. It was clear to everyone now. SPIKE hated me. I may was some kind of an idiot sometimes but his behavior was excessive. I tried not to take seriously what he told me because he would create a childhood trauma to me. SPIKE and I had our fights, but he realized the gravity of the situation and we declared peace. I knew that this peace wouldn't least for long but I was happy... and right. Some people started contesting my win at the NotM award. They took Rcmurphy's side and said that I had less votes than him. Luckily no one paid attention to these charlatans and I kept being the NOOB OF THE MONTH.

The end of my life as a noob[edit]

My life as a noob was about to come to the end. When I firstly came here I was a totally noob but in my travel at Uncyclopedia, I learned lots of things about the internet, like how to make a toast using the computer tower, how to threat somebody using facebook and many other stuff that will be useful in future. I came here to learn some things and come out in the society knowing everything about internet and my goal was successfully completed. My thoughts were many. Should I stay or should I leave? I spent hours of watching Oprah and thinking about my feature here and I decided. I SHOULD STAY. Firstly the reason I decided to stay was because these people here behaved me like a trash so they deserve revenge but then I put another goal in my life. This goal was to have sex with every Uncyclopedian here but the days passed and I forgot the reason I wanted to stay. Actually I forgot everything. I forgot my name, my house's address, etc. Uncyclopedia was the only home I had now and so I couldn't leave and start a better life. Wait a minute... why am I still here?

My thoughts for being an Uncyclopedia noob[edit]

“It sucks. This place is shit, man. I hope you will never have to be in my position.”

~ Me on being an Uncyclopedia noob

What is our main character currently doing?[edit]

You are probably thinking he is enjoying his time in Uncyclopedia and he is having a family with a woman and a dog and he spends most of his time fishing, like it happens in every book. Unfortunately things here are more realistic. He is not-enjoying his miserable life as an Uncyclopedia noob. He writes all the time and his hands have started bleeding but nobody cares. He wishes someone could have told him more things about Uncyclopedia before he came here. Right now he must probably be carrying stones to create a pyramid for the cruel king ChiefjusticeDS.

See also[edit]