The Laughing Cow
- ~ The Laughing Cow laughing at you
The Laughing Cow is a symbol of fascism in Europe, despite having originally been an ancient symbol of fertility. The Cow was adopted by the people of France in 1943 when a spontaneous fascist movement took many of the French by surprise. The laughter of the cow became symbolic of the successful fascist movement (La Vache Fascistique) in France. The Cow has featured in several adverts for cheese, beer and anti-semetic informational videos broadcast in the early 1970s in Termonfecin.
The Laughing Cow has not always laughed. In an unfortunate tricycle accident at the age of 4 the Cow was brutally maimed, hence why only the Cow's head and neck are shown in pictures.
The Cow was imprisoned for 2 an a half years in Cambodia by a military court for a crime she didn't commit. The Cow promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, He survive as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire... The Laughing Cow.
The Laughter Stops
The Cow stopped laughing for 18 years in protest against the oppression of the White Majority of South Africa by the international community. This was the ostensible reason that the Cow gave for his silence. The Cow has denied alternative explanations such as "He was crying", "The music died with the laughter when Buddy Holly crashed", and "he couldn't bring joy to a world where Breshnev was not King."
Descent into Madness
The Cow was tried by a jury of its peers in 1987 and found to be "not guilty by reason of insanity". The charges of narco-terrorism were never made out and the Cow was placed in a quiet facility just east of Bournemouth for a bit of rest.
The rest never came, as the Cow entered a destructive spiral of ketamine and Sunny Delight orange juice. The vicious cocktail nearly killed the Cow, but did make his fortune, enabling parents across the world to provide their children with sufficient energy to make it to the top of the stairs before collapsing in a limp pile in their bedrooms so mum and dad can finally play their kinky kitchen game.
Return to Joy
Once released from Whispering Pines Facility for the Criminally Insane the Cow rebuilt his career as a spokesperson for the Cheese Industry. He promoted such products as the short-lived "Coffee Cheese", "Nob Cheese", "Yellow Cake", "Mitchelstown Mature Cheddar" (which was found to cause hysterical blindness in 17% of regular users) and Asbestos.
The Cow was awarded the Freedom of the Village of Dresden in recognition of its activities promoting social unity and Fire Safety awareness. Some locals called the award an "incendiary act" on the part of the government.
The Highlight of the Cow's Career
In 1995 the Cow made a cameo appearance in Frasier, had a centre fold spread in "Busty Babes 4" and killed a child.