From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Testicles are also referred to as "man eggs" by those in the medical profession. Oval or egg-shaped, they are contained inside the scrotum or what is medically referred to as the "nut sack."

They serve no apparent purpose and are not to be confused with the penis, a pointy propogational device which indicates the general vector of thought in the male "species". One scientist believes God created them to punish the male species for taking a bite out of some delicious apple. These testicles are not to be confused with Testicles of Scrotum, the most famous Greek philosopher.

In the scrotum, where the testicles are held, the right testicle should hang slightly lower than the left testicle. If this is not true of your testicles, you have Cancer and will probably die unless you sacrifice a goat to Satan.

Common Uses[edit]

Plants have testicles too!

Many people don't realize that amputated testicles serve many purposes. In America, they are used as chewing gum along with the foreskin. In some regions of Africa, they are burned as incense during the ceremonial sacrificing of the pebbles and bottle of Coca-Cola that fell from the sky. In England, amputated testicles are often placed in the knees of short people in order to encourage growth.

Some Italian scientists made a ridiculous theory up in 1923, they believed the testicles actually contained and produced a micro organism they called "sperm" which was used for "the creation of babies." The US government sorted out the scientists by castrating them, the lying bastards. Some people today still believe this is true, and should also be castrated for their ridiculous misconception.

At 350 Degrees[edit]

Not to be confused with the Greek hero Testiclēs.

When testicles are heated to 350 degrees celsius, they will reach the next stage of evolution and begin to repeat their name to any trainor who happens to catch them on the open range. One pair of Testicles ran for office in France, won the title of President in 1989.

Testicles in Statistics and Math[edit]

In a very recent study, made in Israel, some new amazing facts were found:

  • The population of women in the world is over 50% of the entire population.
  • The percentile of men with three or more testicles is a whole lot less than the percentile of men with one or none testicles.

Therefore, is was a shocking revaltion when the Israeli scientists announced in a 2006 science conference:

  • "We believe that there are more people on Earth then the sum of its testicles: There is less than one testicle per a human being".

Although no solutions were suggested it was promised to be the major event in the conference of 2007.

Sentimental value[edit]

A recent poll revealed that 98.7% of males actually name their own testicles, and think of them as little friends. Some even entertain themselves by putting on puppet shows featuring their own testicles. Mr. Rogers displayed his on camera in an unaired episode of his television show, and said, "I named one Skippy, and the other one Jamal,and they're my best friends. I always have them to talk to when I'm feeling down, or depressed. So remember, young children, if your dad gets wasted, throws your refrigerator out a window, and assaults you with a latex glove, just remember that your little friends will always be with you." Some people have even gone so far as to suggest that testicles are indeed small, loveable little creatures who live inside the scrotum for the sole purpose of providing fun and friendship for their male hosts. This theory is supported by an incident that occurred in 1994, when a janitor reported that one of his testicles "didn't like" the other one, and that they "wouldn't stop attacking each other." Also, 30% of males have reported hearing soft chirping sounds coming from inside their scrotoms, though again, this evidence has never been substantiated.

Little Known Facts[edit]

A diagram of a man holding his Sack Lunch.
  • When a testicle is severed, planted in the ground, watered, and fertilised adequately, it will grow into a Baby Tree, providing giggly, happy babies for Barren Women.
  • Dried in the sun, testicles make excellent Bouncy Balls!
  • Women have testicles too! Unlike male testicles, female testicles are greatly enlarged and located on the chest. Women often wear athletic supporters known by the slang term "brassieres" to protect them.
  • it has been claimed that testicles are bio-thermonuclear radar devices given by Ultra Jesus to all mankind.

See Also[edit]