Teapot

A teapot

“Illusion is actually the third of all pleasures. Teapots are the second, and yours truly is the first. One lump, or two?”

~ Oscar Wilde on teapots

“Ohhhhh yeah, those feel nice. Oh, wait; teaPOTs?”

~ Gene Simmons on Teabags

Origin

Teapots are thought to have been originally native to England. However, due to smuggling, illegal export, black market trading, the Harding Administration, and backyard breeding, they are now scattered throughout the world.

Uncyclopedia, through a special agreement with the Taronga Zoo, has one imported specimen here on display, bred in captivity in Sydney, Australia.

Mistreatment

Historically, teapots have been thoroughly mistreated by humankind: forced to do menial tasks such as actually pouring tea. There are reports of more sinister activities by collectors, where dozens upon dozens of teapots are warehoused on shelves and in cabinets purely for the amusement of their captors and their guests. A number of animal rights organizations including the World Wildlife Federation and PeTA are working now for the liberation of these tortured creatures.

A current investigation seeks to verify the practice of cozification, where teapots are forced by their captors to wear knit or crochet sweaters of obscene design. Photographs of this practice are currently being examined by experts to verify authenticity.

Habitat

Although many an atheist believes otherwise, it is generally known that all teapots do, in fact, orbit our sun. From the early 70's onwards the philosopher B. Russell argues that one can not proof that there is or is not some teapot that orbits the sun, albeit with trivial effort most people are able to build a strong solid case that not just 1 teapot circumvents the sun, but, in fact, all known teapots do actually exhibit this behaviour. It is subsequently a forgone conclusion that teapots natural habitat can be defined as a semi-spheroidal path around our solar systems central mass.

Eating Habits

Teapots are primarily herbivores, but have been known to expand their diet in times of famine for the purpose of survival. Their preferred diet includes:

• Earl Grey, Hot
• Sugar Lumps
• Honey
• Lemon
• Wildebeest
• Spoons
• Sporks