Talk:Germany

In general

Seriously, there are just too many people out there who do not have the slightest understanding of the difference between 'funny' and 'tasteless' or 'funny' and 'just completely and utterly dumb'. This article is so bad, it makes me cringe! With hundreds of years of history on their back, is there really nothing better you can come up with than the whole War/Hitler/World Domination-nonsense? --83.245.78.197cme

Suggestion:

Hi there,

I am really cool with strong humour, but that stuff is a bit over the top. I am a German living abroad and I really love a clever joke about my country, but seriously...that is on a level that isn't funny anymore. Come on, guys, you can come up with better stuff that makes fun of Germany without being so tasteless! Come on, make us laugh in a funny way.... :-)

Betty

Colonization!

This is a a big task, and will take a lot of effort to put together a good article. ~Sir Rangeley GUN WotM UotM EGA +S (talk) 04:00, 20 Nov 2005 (UTC) First the blonde Germans started this damn war when thier leader John Schnieder renamed Bo Duke talked to his father Gandalf the White at the supreme council about germs that are killing wild Reindeer needed for Santa's sleigh. At this time Germany was called Dooshland. With out reindeer the land would be filled with bantha fodder and starving Mexicans. Therefor Gandalf had a talk with Sarumon the Wise from Great Britain about a fife ransom of all Europe except themselves, and they all agreed. Then Santa came to the council drunk with vodka shouting "I 've got a snake in my boot!" translating in german "My damn reindeer are fucked up so a red nosed reindeer named Adolf told me he could fly my sleigh tonight!" So Adolf appeared with his giant red nose and created nuclear energy for Dooshland, but that is another story. Immediatly John Schnieder removed the head of Adolf the red nosed reindeer and found out the red glow was actually the mechanical laser pointer of a robot made by Japan. Within the robotic suite was a small Asian communist named Sharimygyenmashariorumskuskymotofaromgyjhfyshik the king of Japan. Gandalf figured an Asian was up to no good so he laughed and put jelly on his nose and he fell fast asleep. Then suddenly the council tore up and a giant Tripod (from War of the Worlds) crushed the land and killed Sarumon, not to be confused with Christopher Lee the snaggle-nose asswipe. Gandalf smerfed, "This is all the Jews, they were always jelious of my meat!" Gandalf and John Schnieder left and went back the Dooshland and found just one baby reindeer left out in the brisk cold as suculant as a small chocolate truffle, just as the Prussian brother of John Schnieders Luke Duke drive over the deer with the General Lee and fucked the place up. Then a war started. After the two hundred three year war of fucking madness Dooshland lost to Europe but Europe was so polite they gave Europe to Dooshland anyways, just as a English man gives a crumpet. For then on Dooshland elected Gandalf King and he thought of the name Germ Many as it suited their past, and combined them into one becoming Germany, not Germmany!.

dein verdienen ein Scheißekopf und, einen schrecklichen Tod mit Losen Schmerz zu sterben

Old

habt ihr sie noch alle ? Da steht ja nur Scheiße drin!

...und ich dachte da kommt jetzt was ganz tolles

Das ist doch toll! =D

I have no idea what that means as I am a typical American and English is the only language the world should speak. Having said that I find atleast 2 things strange about Germany. It seems to me that every German has to wear this green hat with the feather when they are out on the town is this a law? In addition shopping on Saturday is a must for crazy people. It is like Christmas every Saturday.

  Yeah. All of us wear that hat and nothing underneath. 
  If we had won "ze war" you would wear that hat now, too!
  Shopping on Saturday? This is our strategy for Wirtschaftswunder.
  This way we kick your economics ass (without getting stuck)...

Schade es ist. Yoda verstanden es hätte. Ein Projekt in die Welt gerufen werden sollte. Um auf Deutsch zu portieren die Uncyclopedia. Dann lustig über sonst alles, wir machen uns können selbst.

ey alda, wat faselste? et jibbet de stupidedia Do jönne ma gloisch mo de ammis verarche.

Translation:

Learn german you freakin child-rapers!

Two national anthems

Both Nena and Schnappi seem to be able to claim the title of the creator of the German national anthem. It had to have been Nena as she is very popular and Schnappi is a retard. Rammstein tried to claim that hey created it, but no one cares about Rammstein (said by high political figure: "Wir lieben Rammstein nicht. Sie kennst Deuschte nicht. Schnappi sind ein dumkopf. Nena sind Schoen!") However, this information has been supplied by the Tooth Fairy, so we do not know yet if it is true.

Real Germany

Deutschland wird durch so ein schand verunstaltet wir sind ein deutsches Volk und die Türken sind nur gedultet. Deutschland bleibt deutsch... Früher war alles besser

• Idiot^^! You take all this stuff serious? --Soul Provider 10:48, 22 April 2006 (UTC)

• Deutschland ist besser jetzt als bevor. Frueher war alles nicht besser, weil die Regierung nicht so klug oder rationell war. In Jedenfalls, ist diese Webseite irrational, spottisch, und sehr kommisch. Die Türken sind aehnlich wie die Mexikaner in Amerika. Sie muessen die Komödie besonders in beide Situationen finden. Lesen die Uncyclopedia.de, statt die Englisch Version. Nichts heir ist Todernst. -- Sir Severian (Sprich mit mir!) 23:05, 20 May 2006 (UTC)

• Harharhar... Früher war alles besser... ^^ In der Tat, als es nur große blauäugige Buben und kleine blonde Mädel in dünnschißfarbenen aber dennoch hübschen Uniförmchen und vor allem städtebauliches corporate Design gab, sah das Reich einfach schöner aus. Außerdem gab es da noch nicht die scheiß DDR, die jetzt angeblich zu Deutschland gehört. Du sagst, wir sind ein deutsches Volk - aber eigentlich wir sind zwei deutsche Völker, bzw. ein deutsches und ein dedeerrisches. Ach ja, früher war alles besser, der Adolf hat auch mehr Autobahnen gebaut als die Staatsmänner von heute. Und alle hatten Arbeit und über die deutschen Wiesen hoppelten noch deutsche Karnickel, während heute der deutsche Mutterboden von Ebrus und anderen ausländischen Großvögeln besudelt wird und deutsche Bäume von ausländischen Bibern gefällt werden, das darf nicht sein!

Oh, ääh, mein deutscher Schäferhund hat gerade einen Türken gebissen und ich weiß nicht, ob ich ihn jetzt strafen oder loben soll. Vielleicht beides, so eine Art konfuzianisch-goldener Mittelweg. So gesehen, eigentlich finde ich das heutige Deutschland, bis auf die Ossis halt, garnicht mal soo schlecht. Hmmm... Der Artikel beschreibt völlig zutreffend, daß Goleo schwul ist. Schwule Sau, nicht schwuler Löwe... --Miłosz 19:57, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

• Haahaha Ich denke du bist richtig. Meine Katze hat einen Mexikaner gekratzt!-- Sir Severian (Sprich mit mir!) 22:49, 24 May 2006 (UTC)

I'm Austrrrrian, and I'm happey to not have the görman chimpanezee in this country anymore ! But they still block our highways often... sadly...

Dieses artikel ist lustig, lustig, tralalalala, bald ist Nicolausabend da. Germany is number 2 on my list of perverted countries in the world, only beaten by Japan. Even the wikipedia article of Germany could be featured :)

The Kraut mythos

First, Kraut means "weed", not "sauerkraut". Second, Sauerkraut is made from cabbage refuse and a fermentation process involving smelly feet. It is a powerful laxative and can also be used to punish slaves. Due to shortage of slaves in 19th century, Germany adopted strategy of getting rid of Sauerkraut and acquiring real food, like pizza or coconut:

1. Pretend Sauerkraut is not punishment but delikatessen. Export Sauerkraut, getting rid of it, owning large amounts of money in return. Buy real food.

2. Invade countries with da real food. Largely unsuccessful. 0wn3d Poland and Russia for a short time, with Solyanka, which is Sauerkraut soup with shrooms. 0wn3d France. They eat.. frogs. Got 0wn3d big time before culinary heaven UK could be obtained.

3. Dump cars all over the world, thus raising CO2 levels and changing climate so that real food like coconut, banana or cane will grow in Germany.

Oh mensch

Das ist mal was, in jedem Artikel der Deutschland behandelt muss ich die Wörter "Nazi" , "Hitler" und sonstiges lesen.
Und ich finds auch noch witzig.
Da merkt man was Vorurteile bringen, wir denken vielleicht auch die Amerikaner essen nur Burger, Pommes und Pizza, wenn wir das schreiben fühlen die sich dann auch etwas verarscht, weil das natürlich nicht stimmt ;-)

There I would be not quite so sure, Oberstrumpfbandführer

Whats wrong with you guys? We're not Nazis anymore... well most of us... And i don't speek the as "ze"!

SUCKS!

This article has gotten so bad over the last year. My guess is that ignorant fools have saturated the article, and so we are left with redundant jokes that reflect the extent of a certain ignoramus' knowledge: "they started two world wars".

Contrary to popular opinion, Donald Duck was actually a Nazi. He fled America in the 1940's to help with the German war effort and suceeded in raping Hitler.

...so why was this shit deemed better than "in fazisht deutschland, duck sieg heil YOU!"?

...and where are the jokes, like the gay-pride-tolerance eagle, that reflect humorous commentary on Germany today? "I don't get it", a certain ignoramus probably said when he saw the eagle. He probably thought the same thing when he saw the Turkish flag. Well, thats why you're ignoramus...

The german sign

I suppose that you photoshoped this. IT SAIS SINCE TWICE. fix it, cause I'm not going to.

Facts

• I only want to clear up some stupid and baseless rumours about germany. Only old men in bavaria are wearing this green hat with a feather.
• And only these old men in bavaria are eating "sauerkraut". All the other people in germany find that nasty.
• In germany the most people are listening metal, hip-hop or pop-music (but Nena is boring and schnappi sucks! ;-)).
• In the usa are living more neo-nazis than in germany.
• In germany is everyone welcome like jews, blacks and homosexuals.
• In germany gunther, klaus, adolf, albert, hans ... are very stupid and uncharacteristic names.
• And so on, I am german so I should know that. And to the article: these things under the headline "language" are just funny for german-speaking people.
  For example the sentence "Ich habe deine Mutter korrekt ins Arschloch gefickt und jetzt fließt die Scheiße über alles drüber" doesn't mean "hello, nice dress". Here's the translation: I have fucked your mother correct into the asshole and now flowes the shit over everything.
  

So you see, that's a lil' bit absurd ;-) . I hope my english was good enough to understand me --83.181.86.53 23:46, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

Recent alterations to this page

Both myself and User:St. Fenix have had a pretty sizable clean-up on this one. This included the removal of many examples where improper nouns had been capitalised and spaces have been added where words were joined to form compound words. Now, we both realise that this was intentional and was supposed to reflect the tendency of the German language to do both of these things. However - as the article has been created by a large number of contributors, many of whom have not continued to write in that style, there was a complete lack of consistency (yeah, I know, consistency on Uncyc, whatever next, eh?) and it just made those paragraphs look badly written. As a result, we've removed almost all examples except for those in the section that discusses the peculiarities of the language. If anyone was particularly fond of that vein of humour, get a life I mean, do feel free to reintroduce it. For the sake of the article, I'd say take the time to go through and rewrite it in that style, please. A simple revert is going to replace all the pointless dross and seriously bad grammar we took out too. Thanks, people. RabbiTechno 17:23, 4 October 2007 (UTC)

National Anthem

Hi,

you guys say the national anthen of Germany is "Kartoffelland über Alles", but I thought it was "Ich Bin Wie Du", Isn't it?

--Oli4.

Suggestion

ok this article is awful, theres no flow to it, it's all written in different tones and styles and isn't organised it looks like it's been thrown together there's some funny stuff and some just pure racist crap so I'm going to sort it out as it offends my eyes Staringelf 20:10, 15 August 2008 (UTC)

update

can the lame childish and ignorant YANK who keeps distroying this page- obviously out of some deep rooted inferiority complex making himself feel better- give it a rest, yes I will continue to edit out your racist, bitter, un-educated shit so please do not even bother- Have you actually read this site's disclaimer: don't be a dick- if not I suggest you read it- oh, and the nazi disclaimer at the top of the page isn't there to look pretty it is actually illegal so zip it moron! Go play on bebo or something til it's school again!!! Staringelf 19:46, 25 August 2008 (UTC)

We need warning- again!

Uncyclopedia's disclaimer This article shows (or resembles) a symbol that was used by the Nazis. It's also shows racist remarks about the Germans being Nazis, and has information about the Nazis themselves. The racist remarks about Germans being Nazis is banned under the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights. Any racist remarks of any race, creed, religion, sex or nationality may cause prison sentence under law (depends on your country. It could even be death).

See this banner? We still need it, since this page discriminates Germans!

--King Joe of the Philippine Empire- I am the REAL dictator! 09:05, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

Let me think about it...errr...no. ~ 09:13, 25 September 2008 (UTC)

I am extremely irritated that whoever made that category neglected to put <noinclude> tags around the "Advisory Template" category. This creates work for me. Also, that template is incoherent, unfunny, and should be deleted; I intend to add it to VFD in the next week or so. pillow talk 18:26, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

Great idea here

Hey, this article should redirect to THIRD REICH, it would be so fucking funny

You may be right about that... —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:04, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

Too Many Cooks

As it stands - this article is a complete mess and I don't think it stands a chance of VFH unless everyone is drunk on nomination day. Besides the tired old - and unfunny Nazi jokes (like..we haven't heard them before ?) , it really goes all over the place and has no direction. Possibly a cleanup could save it but I am not sure. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 07:20, 3 June 2009 (UTC)

Independence?!

He! Germany is still a division of the ottoman empire.--82.134.154.25 08:32, 20 June 2009 (UTC)

ich habe deine mutter gefickt

Ich zähle 6 Benutzer, die entweder die Bildgestaltung oder speziell die Platzierung der Bilder in der Einleitung beanstanden. Ich gebe zu weiter zu Protokoll, dass hier kein Vandalismus vorliegt, sondern alltägliches Editieren. Editieren ohne Account ist in Wikipedia zudem die Regel. Die feindliche Tonlage von Benutzer Eva K. ist abzulehnen. Es ist nicht meine Aktivität die als Störung zu bewerten ist, der Frankfurt Artikel ist (in der Einleitung) ein Störfaktor innerhalb der Wikipedia und findet unter den guten Lemma, weder Vorbilder noch Nachahmer.

Nudity

too much--Katardo64 07:55, April 7, 2011 (UTC)

not enough--User:Ismartyparty 21:32, April 8, 2011

Yes,this contains too much nudity,against rules.117.233.48.251 06:44, April 14, 2013 (UTC)

Yes. I'm going to report it to SPIKE. King Ismael Perez (talk) 19:55, February 9, 2014 (UTC)

Splitting the Article in Two

I am creating a separate History of Germany article to partner the Holy Roman Empire one written. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:53, December 29, 2011 (UTC)