Suffragettes
The suffragette movement can be summarized in four words-Women-Bitchin-About-Votes. It is thought to have been the longest and most intense bitch in history and, unfortunately, resulted in thousands of pointless, female, votes today.
History[edit]
The Beginning[edit]
The suffragette movement began in 1867 when MP John Stuart Mill joked about women having the vote. A few eavesdropping Blondes missed the sarcasm and started the National Union of Womens Suffrage Societies, (NUWSS) to unite all of the women on whom the original sarcasm had also been lost. It was lead by Mrs Millicent Fawcett, a ninety year old prostitute. The bitch officially began at the dawn of a new menstrual cycle in 1903 with the formation of the Womens Social and Political Union (WSPU), otherwise known as the Wrinkly Sluts on Periods United. This pack of bitches was lead by the infamous Emily Pankhurst, thought to be the first female Pimp. It was formed after realizing that the Suffragists had done jack-shit in six years apart from coming up with a name (Give them a break that's a lot of long words for blonds).
The Long Bitch[edit]
For the next seven years the bitchin was becoming increasingly annoying as more and more meals were going uncooked and houses uncleaned. Terrifyingly, in 1910, the House of Commons voted on whether women should be given the vote and a Bill was actually passed by a large majority. Some say that this was caused by the lack of common sense the politicians had left after being starved by their protesting wives for seven years. Luckily, at the last second, the politicians suddenly came to their senses and parliament was dissolved before it became law. Women immediately tried to persuade the Prime minister to keep the bill while he was still in his vulnerable, starved state. Incredibly, he remained strong and ignored their nags. Violent temper tantrums followed and one hundred and nineteen sluts were arrested and two killed on the streets of London for not fulfilling their duties during this time.
From this moment onwards the tantrums became increasingly violent and the two separate packs became more prominent, The Suffragists and the Suffragettes. The Suffragists, still led by Mrs Millicent Fawcett, were slightly less dog-faced blond women who held meetings and attempted to persuade politicians that women should have the vote through free sex and food. This group posed no serious threat.
The serious pack, the Suffragettes, were now entirely made of abnormally butch women with facial hair and, in extreme cases, penises. These transsexuals became even more extreme and violent due to their hormonal unbalance. Their pimp remained as Emily Pankhurst. Between 1912 and 1914 the suffragettes increased the bitching through arson and bombing of politicians houses (oh yes, they were sure to get the vote now).Many of the Suffragettes were arrested but ,being sluts, refused to eat from anything that wasn't a penis. Instead of offering these hairy women their penises the government decided to let them out to feed and then arrest them when they had regained their health, this was called the Cat and Mouse Act.
A Dark Day[edit]
In 1914, during world war one, the government found uses for these butch women. David Lloyd George said "Yo, bitches, get yo asses back in those factories". The now scarily butch women took over the mens jobs whilst they were busy getting shot by Germans. After the war was over, the now weary men began to crack. Soon the politicians could stand the nagging no longer, and as the now unbelievably butch women resembled men so closely, they were forced to give them the vote in 1918. In 1919 they went further in a desperate attempt to stop the nagging. The Sex Disqualification Removal Act was passed. This allowed women to infect occupations that had been considered professional for so long. This also forced employers to accept people of similar working standards to women, such as comma patients and potatoes.
What The Future Holds[edit]
Now that the evil and morally wrong bills have been passed there is nothing we can do but wait. It is predicted that by the year 2357, when all women have found out that they now have the right to vote, voting will no longer be a well thought out and calculated decision, it will be a random choice made by women who vote for the party that their pen falls on first because "they all seem so nice". We will have no control over our government and the world will soon fall into anarchy.
How Do We Prevent This?[edit]
Now that the bill has passed the damage will be hard to undo.
- Our first option is to turn to the children, make sure they are brought up right, with young boys being superior in every way to girls. All young girl's dreams should be shattered immediately and replaced with the fabricated dreams of being a housewife. This is the only way we will ever be saved.
- Secondly any feminist should be slapped until dead, they must be eradicated.
- Thirdly we should turn to God, he will never allow us to be subjected to such a fate.
- If all else fails we have one last option, it will be our duty to detonate every nuclear bomb on the planet, destroying all life, we owe it to the universe to contain this terrible threat.