Spew

this page is entirely about the procurement of Puke for culinary perposes. for etiquete, you are redirected to sick etiquete.

“He's vomited? Get me some soup!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Gandhi after a donner

Introduction

Known in many cultures and absences thereof as many different names, spew, vomit, vegetarian options and sick to name a few, it is the main ingredient in some forms of bird nest, mostly by accident. Unfortunately, these birds are being thrown out of their homes as they are eaten in said soups as punishments for not paying their rent.

Not to be outdone, the cowboys and associated wenches of the American frontier settlements invented a dish called "cowboy stew". This comprised mainly of beans, such things that were commonly removed from the stomache after a session of their chief drink (Orangina and Bitter Lemon) and copious amounts of tobacco. These include carrots, sweetcorn, stomach acid and grass. The latter has since inspired generations of cats, children and idiots to imitate them

This meal however was superceded quickly by "sick soup", or SS in some purist circles. Following the acquisition of the title "SS" for the Nazi Secret Service, this was renamed "Gazpacho".

Also, there are 2 slightly unknown types of spew, Baconater and WetDog. You can find more information at yourmomsjina.com

Sick Acquisition

The best sick occurs naturally, however, if you do not have time to wait in India for the best quality natural sick, and bring it all the way home in time for dinner, you may need the following items to synthesise said chunder.

• Alcohol (preferably whiskey or other things derived from fence treatments)
• Something restricted (such as crack, cannabis, edam, e or similar)
• Large quantities of food (known in vomspeak as "Sick shots" or "Chunder thunder")
• Kebabs (even in small doses, these truly pack a punch due to Botulism and contact with Cypriots)

Alternatively, punch your innocently and impartially selected outlet repeatedly in the stomache to enjoy it's "pavement pizza" form, or wait outside a curry house at approximately four in the morning.

Making the soup

Boil your sick for approximately 15 minutes, or until the steam is a healthy yellow colour attacking your ceiling or stirring hand. Half way through cooking you may add salt if desired, or for the more interesting flavour, paprika to taste. If the saucepan starts to corrode, sick is strongly acidic, so tough shit.

• Adding ham or other meats is possible, though not advised, as it may impair the flavour.
• Adding carrots is ALWAYS spurious unless you want to become a carotin-based lifeform.
• Adding sprouts will add replay value.