Smalahåve is the most sacred of all Norwegian food, it is made of the head of a sheep (preferable with big eyes, staring at the consumer). It was originally invented by the Viking Snorrulf Smalahåvesson, giving this dish this weird name.
To survive eating Smalahåve, you need to have access to large amounts of Mjød. Mjød is an alcoholic brew, not as strong as akevitt, but still very lethal. If you do not have Viking blood running through your veins, your head will most likely explode into little pieces just by looking into the eyes of the evil Smalahåve. The Smalahåve-ritual is a test of manhood in the Norse society. It is recommended by the Norse that men be at last 45 years old before taking this challenge, and that these men send their kids to raids and wars at the age of 13.
The only non-Norsemen to ever have eaten and survived a Smalahåve ritual were Chuck Norris, Nuck Chorris, (Although it's currently being disputed, since the; Chuck Norris jokes are getting rather old) The father of Hovd and Mr. T.
Recipe for Smalahåve
- 1 x Evil Sheep (with big, open eyes)
- Large amounts of Mjød
- 5 x Brave Vikings
- Tons of Magic Mushrooms (Fleinsopp)
Before you start, make sure that the grotto is secured and airtight, to prevent the nuclear waste from reaching the surface. First, you eat the sheep's body (while the sheep is still alive, of course). Then take the remain (the head), and put it in a bowl of highly concentrated Mjød and Fleinsopp-sauce. This will make the ritual-experience very funny and lethal.
After boiling the head for some weeks, it will hopefully have stopped moving and screaming words of Satan. To reach the smalahåve inside the bowl, the five Vikings will have to drink the bowl empty. If the head is still showing signs of life, the Vikings should stomp it flat with their cute hats with small horns. Afterwards, you start the ritual by drinking 5,000 liters of Mjød. By then, you will be high enough to join the ritual without dying of the mere sight of the evil Smalahåve.