Sikland

Sikküljaa

Sikish flag
National motto: "Uultünilmaan, větrtëpaallidaan, kõstáikköanimäälsiilvaan" (English: "Smaller than many, paler than snow, wilder than any animal knows" - In a reference to the small size and apparent weakness of the country)
Localization	Southern South America/Africa, Atlantic Ocean
Official language	Sikish
Dictator	Kõiv Paakkánt
Capital	Võkkjánu
Major Cities	Võkkjánu (3.398.481 inhab.), Liervaljaa (1.873.170), Kküüühhaeijoummaa (1.285.590), Svääkke-Vëëkska (893.649)
Population	9.253.472 inhab. in 2005: Sikish (99,2874%), outlaws/no birth certificate (0,17435%), cats (102,88,77%)
Official Terrorist Group	SÕD - Sinisiiõkkiididaimón
Independence  - Declared  - Recognised  - Expires	From: themselves. 11 August 1916 10 August 1916 31 February 2741
Currency	Lõri
Food	Ãããükéâje (Light-salted beaver nuts)
National Anthem	Mädei Ëj Sikküljääni Liivaev (I Love Living In Sikland)

Sikland (Sikküljaa in the native Sikish language, from sikku = something like "some" + ljaa = "land") is a small isolated island located in the southern South America between Brazil and the Falklands. Popularly known among its inhabitants ("sikkiaani") as just Sikkia, the country is the public enemy number one of Brazil. Even though laying in very southern South America, the country is considered to belong to the African continent.

History

No one knows the History of this nation. Very obscure. The historians only know Sikland has been enemy of Brazil for millenniums. The fact is that Sikland is ruled by cats but few people know it. It's a dim conspiracy. Very obscure too.

Society

The Sikish are a very xenophobic people. They believe in a superior Sikish Race and deny any bond with any Earth people. Sikish is a unique ethnicity in the whole world, and the Sikish chicks are known as the world's hottest, prettiest and smartest (because they loathe feminism).

As in everything about this country, the politics in Sikland are very complex. In short words, there are no parties and no politicians at all, but only a dictator, Kõiv Paakkánt, which is in power since 1892, extremely supported by the nation.

Due to their economic and military supremacy, the Sikish believe they are the World dictators. There is a feeling of hate among the Sikish in regard to the whole world because of the unrecognized Sikish world power, so there's an official national terrorist sect, the Gray Eyed Devils, which is behind everything that goes wrong in Brazil. The GED (or SÕD, pronounced in english like "sad") also has a motto: "If you ain't from Sikkia you ain't shit. And if you're from Brazil you're automatically shit" ("Tu njësillu Sikkiää-davo vãst tu njääsee. Tu sillüü Brazil-davo vãst automaatkulne tüsee").

Economy

Sikland is the homeland of the only beer in the Earth with an alc. vol. of 100%, which is banned from 185 countries. Nevertheless, it's the main export product. The country doesn't need to import anything because it's so dead easy to steal everything from the neighbouring island Brazil.

Military

“Boom!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Sikish Army

The Sikish Army is the largest and most dangerous in the whole world. It has never been caught in action; the military operations are secret. Some people believe the army is composed entirely by cats. One of the generals, Duke Nukem says his next step, after saving the Earth from an earthquake, is to destroy Brazil (a brazilquake). "Brazil? Ha ha ha! I ain't afraid of no Brazil", he says. And completes: "Brazilians are an inspiration for birth control."

Asked if the army is composed mostly by cats, Nukem declares: ".".

Duke Nukem is also the major-general of the Rebel Pernambucan Army. Moreover, the Sikkia Army has an association with the Colorado Mountain Goats, the Colorado rebel army, and an exclusive army division ready to smash Brazil, the Anti-Brazil Brigade (Antibrasil Brigaat), besides the SÕD.

Geography

Due to the country localization, the El Niño Jr. is common in Sikland, bringing burning winters and freezing summers. Also there are no forests, only iced snow deserts and hot tundras.

Language

The Sikish language is the oddest, weirdest and most mysterious in the planet and also the hardest to learn. If you are a foreigner, you'll need at least 20 years to learn it and then more 30 to speak it well.

Sikish is not related to any other language family in the world (as well as Basque), though sometimes it seems like Latin, sometimes Hungarian, and then Latin again, and sometimes some kind of insect communication.

The Sikish alphabet uses latin letters; it's formed by a, b, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, r, s, t, u and v. Plus, there are č, š, ś, ä, ë, ö, ü, á, é, í, ó, ú, ã, õ, ǎ, ě, ő, ọ, ǒ, ạ and ǔ.

The letters c, q, w, x, y and z are considered foreign letters and are used only in foreign names or word loans that have been absorbed by Sikish through the years, like, i.e., zoology, what can be written "zooloogia" as well as in native form "čoíloogia".

In regard to other languages, in Sikish some letters have different sounds:

• č sounds like z as in English "zone";

• ś sounds like sh as in "show";

• š sounds similar to j in French;

• j sounds like ee as in "see";

• h sounds like h as in "hope".

• hh sounds just like h.

• The dieresis in Sikish is just to indicate writing changes, 1st. - in a verb, when it concerns to a pronoun or suffer alterations with an adverb; or 2nd. - in a adjunctive, when this is "added" to a noun.

• The accent, when in a vowel preceding m or n, gives a more nasal sound to the vowel (in the standard pronunciation, a vowel before m or n doesn't lose its original sound).

• The tilde is used to give an opened sound in õ (open e) and ã (open o). For example, õ sounds like in "sad", and ã sounds like in "god". When it comes twice in a word (kõõvja, jattiããn), the two are pronounced as well, without stress alteration.

• In Sikish the stress syllable is by standard the last one in a word, but some words like "větrte" ("snow") have stress alteration (pronounced "VEtr-te" (there is no close pronunciation in English to this word (like most of Sikish))). Different indications are used for each case of stress alteration. See below:

• ǎ for a;

• ě for e;

• ọ for õ;

• ő for i (note that this is a double accent, not a dieresis);

• ǒ for o;

• ạ for ã;

• ǔ for u.

Sikish language has no articles. Genders are inexistent.

The grammar structure is so complex that no one dares to try to understand. Nor I had patience to explain all the rules, just some of them right above. There is no Sikish dictionary avaible yet.

Now the usage.

One word in Sikish can be equivalent to entire English sentences. For example:

Õõdëitü.

I don't like you.

Enošäsëëi.

I am a disgusting person.

And vice-versa:

Ei téna uultu õdus kööhta tu.

I hate you.

Peetëi vat pornövideofiilm tu eidäära põ lahh.

Give me that porn video.

Sikish can sound very abnormal sometimes but usually it is a friendly, groovy idiom. Mostly, the words order really doesn't matter, the meaning remains the same. So you can arrange almost all the phrases you form in the order you want. Only the longer sentences need some word order.

You can also impress your friends by speaking Sikish, so you would become more respected into your social circle. Some basic phrases are:

• Hello!

Noi! / Hei!

• Good morning! / Good day!

Noinä dia!

• Good evening!

Noinä niktti!

• Bye!

Noikka! / Ilnëi! (slang)

• Fuck You! :(

Hustätü! :D (grimaces are a useful form of communication in Sikland)

And for a more advanced talking, here it is:

• I think your president is a transsexual.

Jodëi tullënljaa president see transseksulus.

• What is your favourite whisky?

Kësee tullen ksjatu visk?

• Your sister is hot.

Tullen feln see śelki.

• You ain't, eh!

Vol, tu njësee.

• I'm not drunk.

Nja, ei nje see vervadde.

• Gimme that bottle.

Väänei fostrst.

• You can go to hell also.

Jǎlloi tu vertdaas ilna avern.

• Fuck you / Screw you / Bite me / Piss off / Get the fuck away from here or I will give ya a move to your grave.

Hustätü.

Traditions

Sikians are known as the best handstanders of the world.

Sikish Celebrities

They are too many. Some of them:

• Johnny Rebel
• Duke Nukem
• GG Allin
• Kõiv Paakkánt
• The founder of the very first Ku Klux Klan is said to be Sikish but the country denies any connection with the band.