Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/September 21

September 21: Cola Wars Armistice Day, International Sweat Like a Rapist Day

• 454 - Roman Emperor Valentinian III assassinates his general Aëtius after a dispute over the merits of Coke and Pepsi.
• 1066 - King Harold Godwinson is disgusted to find he has got sweat patches on his favourite armour. As he is changing behind a tree, a stealth agent shoots him in the eye.
• 1780 - American Revolutionary War: Benedict Arnold gives the British the plans to West Point and the secret formula to Coke.
• 1918 - Treaty of Cadbury-Schwepps marks the cessation of violence in the first Cola War.
• 1947 - The Coke plan is set up to aid falling Coca Cola sales in Europe. Pepsi will have none of this, condemning it as cola sales imperialism.
• 1952 - Pepsi introduces the 'So much better than Coke that it makes me feel sick' plan, and sets up 'Pepsicon'. Coca Cola is banned from the USSR. This triggers the Cold Cola War.
• 1972 - Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos issues Proclamation No. 1081 placing the country under martial law and making Pepsi the official drink of the Phillipines.
• 1978 - Earth, Wind, and Fire remember the 21st night of September. They then proceed to drink Coke.
• 1983 - Ferdinand Marcos directs a confused man to the local garage to purchase Pepsi.
• 1985 - Coca Cola invents Mountain Dew, infringing on Pepsi's trademark, starting Cola War II.
• 1986 - Colonel Sanders surrenders his forces to PepsiCo at the Battle of Kentucky; Chicken Little announces that "the sky is falling!"
• 1987 - Hershey's mediates a treaty between Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola, ending Cola War II after much bloodshed in Central American plantations.
• 1992 - Coca Cola creates Dr. Pepper, in a retaliation to Pepsi's root beer creation. The war continues with much hard-earned, rapist-like sweat.
• 1999 - The impending Millennium celebrations force Royal Crown Cola to formulate a strategy to take down its opposition.
• 2006 - Royal Crown Cola declares war on Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola, proclaiming 'Death to the American Capitalist Swine'.
• 2007 - The day Tetris broke. Anti-Bullying Day occurs, the masses dress in pink after Pepto Bismol drips to death; pink unicycle spotted on national television.
• 2009 - Rola Cola assassinates Royal Crown Cola, Coca Cola and Pepsi, in that order. They never stood a chance.
• 2010 - Highly anticipated racing game, Test Drive Unlimited 2, scheduled for release, but is postponed due to turbulent Coca Cola-Pepsi relations.