Prince John

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Footage of the actual Prince John enjoying a rare flattering.

Prince John (also known as the "Phony King of England") ruled as the King of England from 1199 to 1216. What makes Prince John fascinating is that his name implies that he was a Prince and not a king. However, this inaccuracy arises from the fact that before he became king he actually was a prince, and didn't want to change his name when he became King. The people of England, however, continued insisting that he be called King John. This angered the King so much that he taxed anyone who wouldn't at least call him "King Prince John". Such are the most well-known facts about Prince John.

Taxes, Taxes, Taxes[edit]

Portrait of the sheriff of Nottingham, this is the nicest he's ever looked.

Prince John loved taxes. He is one of the few kings of England who saw that taxes were not only a way to make lots of money, but also a way to piss people off. His use of taxes to buy stacks of gold is legendary. Some say that he must have been a very savvy economist to have gotten so much out of taxes. This argument, however, is accurately countered by the fact that Prince John was a moron. He wasn't savvy, just stupid and blunt. He was so dumb, in fact that the littleness of his intelligence and initiative had to be made up for by untrustworthy, evil Sheriffs. The most famous of these sheriffs is the Sheriff of Nottingham.

The Sheriff of Nottingham was so evil in his dealings that he made the king look like a date with Mother Teresa. Though some have tried to argue the fact that Prince John could be likened to a date with Mother Teresa, their opinions don't really matter.

Prince John, when questioned about his famous "Taxation the hell out of -ing Nottingham" argued to have only asked the sheriff to, "Tell those guys to stop making fun of me," and the sheriff, being super evil, decided that this meant he should raise the tax level to everything you own (the second highest tax level), throw everyone in jail, and steal from the church's poor box. Though not outside of the sheriff's character to have blown something that much out of proportion, everyone knows now (since footage of his reign was released in 1973) that the king was lying. What he actually said to the sheriff was, "Double... NO, no-Triple the taxes!" and the sheriff, not knowing the words 'double' and 'triple', thought he heard, "Don't... No, no-TRIP over the taxes!". Trying to make sense out of it, the sheriff concluded that you could only trip over taxes if they were ridiculously high.