Pompel and Pilt
“Reparere, desekrere, massakrere, sterilisere.”
“Løse tråder er lange! (Loose threads are long)”
Pompel and Pilt are two jolly repairers coming from Norway. They are well known for never actually having repaired anything, and for the horror they caused for Norwegian children.
They are also known for their motto: Det er bedre med to reparatører enn med ingen reparatører. (We are two serious Norwegian workers and we work hard and cheap)
Natural habitat[edit]
Natural habitat for Pompel and Pilt is a weird cave full of doors that doesn't lead anywhere and scary groundskeepers always chanting: "Reparere, kommentere, separere" and so on.
Breeding[edit]
Has only been seen by one man, and he died of shock. Luckily, that man was from Armenia, and deserved to die anyway.
Controversy[edit]
Why the hell do they never speak English? And why is that groundskeeper guy always following them around?
“That's not meant for you humans to know, sorry.”
How to kill groundskeepers[edit]
You'll need: A wooden stake,
A record - preferably The Doors (Death Metal is another option),
Lots of boxes (if female or just wearing a wig)
First you'll have to know everything about groundskeepers. They are a secret organisation who belives hell is a huge field full of dandelions, when it's really just some far-off place in Norway.
Things they love: Public buildings, clean stuff, sheds
Things they hate: Private buildings, dirty stuff, The Doors
Now you'll have to think like a groundskeeper. If you were a groundskeeper, where would you go? To a shed, idiot! Where did you think? And what would he do? If you think he'll listen to The Doors, this would be a better article for you to read. Now let's get on with this shit.
This is what you will do: First you will go to his shed and put your record on. If you have The Doors, you just wait for your victim. If you brought Death Metal, you'll get pissed and want to kill something, and that's good. If you brought something else, then you didn't read my article! Get lost you idiot. Ok. At the time you've read this far, the groundskeeper will propably arrive. Don't let his size and mutache freak you out.
If male just stab him with the stake. What did you expect? Alternatively use a gun.
If female or just wearing a wig: throw the boxes down a bottomless hole. Watch them follow the boxes into the hole.
If you are a viking, just behead it.
Now you have killed the groundskeeper and deserve beer. Or the groundskeeper have killed you and you go to hell, which is just any small place in Norway. Tough luck.
How to kill Pompel and Pilt[edit]
They can't be killed.
What number do I call if I want P&P to repair something for me?[edit]
Nonono. That's not how they do it. They just wander around looking for things to repair. You should just place the broken thing outside your door, and hope Pompel and Pilt is around. If you really want them to look at it, that is.
What do I do if I don't want them to repair something?[edit]
That question makes a lot more sense. You should chase them away by saying all the words you know that ends with -ere. If you're an English-speaker, that equals verbs ending with -ate. That will make them think there's a groundskeeper nearby, and they'll run like hell, trust me.