Poitin

A Poitin brewery couple hundred years ago

Poitin (pronounced "Pocheen") is a strong alcoholic drink, given to us by our Irish friends, reaching even up to 95%. Poitin is made out of spuds, crab apples and malt barley. Drink differs severely from brewer to brewer as many add a small amount of fruit to sweeten the flavour. Some brewers make the stuff out of Heaven, others make it out of absolute shite. Several hundred years ago, the Irish government banned Poitin but in 1997, Poitin was legalized to by made by breweries and appeared back on the taps of pissing-holes.

History

The inventors of Poitin (or some random Moonshiners )

After the Russians discovered distillation, some Irishmen wanted to make their own alcoholic drink. Coming back from the pub after a pint or two one of them said, "I smell Fermentation!" They followed the trail of the smell and found a pot, filled with a mush of spuds, barley and apples. And it smelled of alcohol like hell, so one said, "Let's try distilling it!" They took the pot and put together a still and distilled the mush. After they tried it they loved it so much they went around the village giving it to everyone to try. The people loved it so much that they ordered more so the brewers had to make a bigger still. It was said that the brewers made 5 punt that day (a lot of money back then). The liking of Poitin spread across Ireland like wildfire and soon there were hundreds of villages full of drunks like that.

Prohibition

In 1663 (or sometime around then), the Irish Government held a meeting on how to make Irishmen's lives more miserable. They knew that Poitin was very popular so they decided to ban it. This lead to suicide, emo, riots, a dangerously high level of sobriety, self-harm, assassinations, bombs, etc., etc but the Irish government still got its way. The prohibition also made Poitin more popular than ever; as the saying goes: "The more illegal it is, the better it tastes!"

Legalization

In 1997 a new alcy politician (Shot O'Whiskiain) entered the Irish government. He himself drank a lot of Poitin. He thought that Poitin should be legalized. The other politicians agreed to have a vote. O'Whiskiain brought in 10 gallons of the stuff and poured it out for the other politicians to try. After they tried it the vote was a straight 100% yes.

Drinking

Poitin was invented to be drank straight from the bottle (or jar, as in most cases). Some drink it in shots, some slow-drink it, while some pussies make cocktails or add it to other drinks. Some brewers add fruit to their fermenting mush to reduce the original, harsh flavour.

Death and Poitin

Death and Poitin go quite well together as a badly brewed batch can cause a lot of deaths and health problems. A badly brewed batch given to the mafia or a gang can make a brewer never brew another batch in his/her life. The most known cause of death by Poitin is when the brewer goes too far with the distillation and ends up with pure alcohol, which can often kill tourists.