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“Pluralizations ises sos hards!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pluralization

“Lukes... Ies ams yours fathers!”

~ Darth Vader on Pluralization

Pluralization is generally recognized by all Jesii to be the most difficult thing in the universe. While the common layman has the capacity to pluralize a normal noun like 'cat' or 'dog', how does one pluralize verbs, adjectives, mades ups words, and disagreeings pronouns? Scientists who research plural words in the field are called pluralogists.

Origins of Pluralization[edit]

Pluralization was invented by George W. Bush in 282 BC because he needed a way to refer to every member of his harem in an individualist fashion. Little did he realize that one of his harem girls was a Robo-Dinosaur in disguise and was going to give birth to a new incarnation of Cthulu in seven weeks.

As soon as the abberation against nature was born, it was given to a black market adoption center where it was cared for until it activated its Mr. T function in the year 2000. Due to the Robo-Dino-C'thulu-Mr. T needing a way to refer to the act of multiple pities, he expanded on his father's creation and named it 'specialized pluralization'.

Effect of the Death of the English Language on Pluralization[edit]

When the English Language officially died and became a ghost, the grounds of pluralization were shaken deeply. Thus, pluralization shamelessly outsourced itself to various third-world countries so that they may use a single word to represent their collective failure. All in all, since the English Language pretty much failed in the first place, the principles of pluralization were not too badly harmed. I mean, what kind of language doesn't have gender for nouns?

The Legendary Principles of Pluralization[edit]

Pluralization revolves around three main principles.

  • è⌂π\M▀X╙ÄÆ╥∟q○╚7&∟╥96╛89╤4◄öª
  • Put on obscene quantities of the letter 's' everywhere in your sentence.
  • Certain words are pluralized oddly.

Seeing as these principles are very ambiguous in format and consistency, most scholars simply adopt their own rules for correct pluralization. There are three widely accepted forms of pluralization that do not rigidly follow the forms made by Robo-Dino-C'thulu-Mr. T, created by Oscar Wilde, Socrates, and Hitler respectively.

Form One Pluralization[edit]

The Oscar Wilde format, which most normal people consider to be "correct" today, is generally the one people are most comfortable with. It involves verb pluralization through conjugation, putting an 's' at the end of nouns which end in vowels, and an 'es' at the end of words that end with a consonant. This is generally recognized as 'Boringtalk'.

An example of Oscar Wilde pluralization is as follows:

Form Two Pluralization[edit]

The Socratic format, which is now generally used by nobody, is the most erudite and complex of all forms of pluralization. Using this form is even known to occasionally give bad cases of gingivitis and smelly feet.

Socratic Form pluralization is so difficult to understand that even God had to try three times to get it right. One generally must put 'eses' at the end of all words, use Byzantine conjugation, and generally massacre every word one comes across. An example of Socratic Pluralization is as follows:

Form Three Pluralization[edit]

Form Three Pluralization, created by Hitler, is the most popular pluralization. Unlike the Socratic Form or the Wilde Form, the Hitler Form revolves around never using the letter 's' in any word. All pluralization should be done with a 'z' or have various backwards letters. Gross misspellings are required at least three times in each sentence, and Middel English Speyk is very common.

An example of Hitler Form is as follows:

Interpretation of George W. Bush's First Principle[edit]

Because there is much room for interpretation of George W. Bush's principle of è⌂π\M▀X╙ÄÆ╥∟q○╚7&∟╥96╛89╤4◄öª, there have been a few valorous cryptographers who have attempted to discover this comment's true meaning.

The Elvis Interpretation[edit]

The Elvis Interpretation, theorized by mathemagician Elvis Presley, states that the first principle is actually a congealed mass of spaghetti splattered on the paper in which George W. Bush first wrote. Beneath it lies the statement, "Monkey monkey, Donald Trump, Mickey Mickey Mickey Mouse." Many people consider this solid proof that Donald Trump is a giant Jesus Hippo. These deductions are ultimately what proved to be the greatest success in Elvis's career.

The Pope Interpretation[edit]

The Pope, seeing everything as a religious sign from God, created the theory that the first principle of pluralization is actually a warning signal. Stating that it obviously spoke about the coming of the Antichrist, the pope locked himself in a giant inflatable bubble on wheels. When the devil saw this, noting that it thwarted his plans of assassination even though the bubble was thin and permeable. This giant bubble became known as a popemobile, and the Pope created the following equation:

Seeing as this was utter gibberish, it was dismissed by the scientific community until Tom Cruise exploded and gave everybody an enema.

'The Wonder Years' Robot[edit]

During the Robo-Dino-Cthulu-Mr. T time period, a mad scientists was collecting the souls of all the Wonder Years folks and siphoning them into a giant killer robot named Herbie in the form of a talking car. With its massive capacity to unleash nostalgiac destruction everywhere it looked, George W. Bush and his son had only one way to turn- they would have to build an equally powerful pluralization robot.

The construction was long, hard, and relatively oblong, but they finally completed it. The two robots went head-to-head in a suspenseful battle that concluded with a tremendous anticlimax. Thus, pluralization became allies with all Japanese stop-motion people as well as Herbert, and they would continue their fascist pluralized regime until the end of time.

'Pluralization: The Movie'[edit]

Pluralization: The Movie is an epic tale of tragedieses, heartbreakses, redemptions, dramases, humors, horrores, suspenseseses, adventureses, space travels, and other plural genres beyond the scope of human imagination.

Related Links[edit]

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