Pelicanocerous
| Pelicanocerous | |
|---|---|
| Scientific classification | |
| Kingdom | The World |
| Phylum | Angry Mammal |
| Class | Yes |
| Order | Medium Rare |
| Family | Orphaned |
| Genus | I knew, but really, nobody cares |
| Species | Looks kind of bird-ish, doesn't it? |
| Binomial name | |
| Yeah, Birdus Fo' Sho'us | |
| Specifications | |
| Primary armament | Sharp claws |
| Secondary armament | Other sharp claws? |
| Power supply | Kitten Huffing |
| Health | Microsoft's Annual Income |
| Mana | |
| Strength | MAX POWER |
| Intelligence | The sharpest knife in the drawer |
| Weight | 15.2 Lb. |
| Length | 2 Ft |
| Special attack | O> |
| Conservation status | |
| Commonly Rare | |
A pelicanocerous is any of several very large water birds with a distinctive pouch under the beak and a large intimidating horn which, due to the devious evolution, appeared in the middle if its forehead, though it has no practical usage (a similar situation to that which occurred with the formation of Jay Leno's chin). Like all modern pelicans, the pelicanocerous can be found on every continent except North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Eurasia, Africa, Australia, Antarctica, Canada, and Rhode Island. A very elusive beast indeed. Although the above information suggests that the animal may not exist in any way, shape or form, that is an utter goddamn lie. People who oppose these views are communists, and we all know that communists are full of shit.
Historical Significance[edit]
By now, you are probably wondering "What in the name of fucking fuck am I reading?" In fact, you are reading the complete history of a very important historical figure. Although it is not entirely known how the Pelicanocerous came into existence (although some speculate that it created itself out of the remnants of Michael Jackson's dignity), that is not important. If for some obscene reason you think that it is, you can go fuck yourself, you communist bastard.
Before the existence of time and logical conclusions, the Pelicanocerous is believed to have single-handedly created the universe, as well as everything related to the universe and even the vast majority of the things that have no relation to the universe. (Examples include basketball and Chinese finger traps.)
Featured Works[edit]
Due to its grace and majesty, the noble pelicanocerous has made frequent appearances in art and literature throughout history. Some well-noted exemples include:
- The Wind in the Pelicanocerous
- Gone With the Pelicanocerous
- To Pelicanocerous a Mockingbird
- A Tale of Two Pelicanoceri
- The Pelicanocerous Manifesto
- 2001: A Space Pelicanocerous
- The Gospel According to Pelicanoceri
- Around the World in 30 Pelicanoceri
- The Pelicanocerous and I
- Harry Pelican and the Philosopher's Noceri
- Selected Dialogues of Plato: Apology, Crito, Phaedo, and Symposium, and the Most Famous Passages From The Republic of Pelicanocerous
- Moulin Noceri
Things With Which You Cannot Hurt a Pelicanocerous[edit]
- Mashmallows
- Spoons
- Knowledge
- Dictionaries
- Jewel-cases
- Rufus Wainwright
- Erasers
- Lemons
- Kind of duller knives
- iPods
- Martha Wainwright
- Water
- Other Pelicanoceri
- Magic
- Generosity
- The Hoff
- Christmas
- Reasoned Arguments
