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Yes pertains to an affirmative, either vocalized, written, or signified with a nod of the head. Yes is best when a woman is involved. She may say it selectively though, but many just say it without much trouble, i.e.:

  • Only after dinner and a movie.
  • The movie can be substituted with any large cash expenditure.
  • Dinner can be substituted with lunch.
  • In certain circumstances, cash alone may be used.


A baby computer asking its mom for a cookie using clever buttons at the bottom

Although "Yes" had been invented, nobody knew about it and therefore it was not used. Eventually, "Yes" was discovered by the famous English wordsmith William Shakespeare when he needed an answer to the question "Are we there yet?". This question was posed by his children during a philosophical debate taking place in Shakespeare's 1586 Camaro. This was not the first time Shakespeare had heard this question arise from the back seat, but in all of the previous cases he was able to truthfully respond either "No" or "Goddamn it I said shut up!". Then, suddenly, Shakespeare realized that they were there. He promptly responded with the first known utterance of "Yes".

Jesus, learning about this word through his powers of telepathy, immediately attempted to take credit for its discovery. At first, the public believed Jesus's claim of using advanced ventriloquism to make it appear that Shakespeare said the first "Yes", but his allegations were discredited by photographic evidence showing Jesus to be unconscious at the exact moment of declaration, as a result of a recent cocaine binge. Several religious groups were so outraged at such a blasphemous slandering of their One True Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that they boycotted the word "Yes" and all associated products. This boycott was one of the main events leading to the banning of "Yes" in Pepperland during the tyrannical Blue Meanie regime.

Angered by his tarnished reputation and loss of glory, Jesus passive-aggressively created a band with the name "Yes" in an attempt to secure a copyright of the newly-found word. This band played the music of the rocks in a progressive manner. Fortunately for Shakespeare, Judge John G. Roberts Jr. ruled against Jesus's copyright and sentenced Jesus to three and a half hours of community service. Unfortunately for Judge John G. Roberts Jr., Jesus kicked him in the face and stole his favorite hat. Jesus then attempted to steal a firetruck for a kick-ass getaway car chase but was unable to successfully hot wire it, due to his colorblindness and inability to tell which of the wires were red.

Conflicts with No[edit]

There have been multiple billions of conflicts between yes and no, and although there may have been some short periods of peace after the human race stole the ability to speak from Allah, they have been few and far apart. In 2012, some think that the ultimate compromise will be reached to the create the great maybe, which some have argued will be heaven and some have argued will be hell, philosophers, philosophes, thinkers, and people who think have debated this for decades, although the debate has been limited in the United States as the quantity of people who think in said country is severely limited.

See also[edit]