P. T. Cruiser
P. T. Cruiser[edit]
“I love having a poetess in my heart!”
“The time has come when she can have more than a make-believe watch.”
“She can't marry my son, because I don't tolerate Laundry Detergentists.”
“Where's the money, Ronald? I freed your wife.”
P. T. Cruiser (full name Penelope Terry Cruiser) is a poetess whose poems reflect the invention of the Beer volcano, the injustice surrounding the PT Cruiser (the PT Cruiser Freedom Movement) and the plight of the Disposable Pets.
Biography[edit]
She was born of Laundry Detergentist parents in a cottage, 21 Panda-Monium Street, Thislandisyourland. She, and her little sister Putrid, were strict followers of the religion. She went to Daughters of ARIEL Primary from 5-11 and St Persil's Secondary from 11 to 18, with Old McDonald as the headmaster. The girls in primary school mocked her, and sang a song:
P. T. is a cruiser,
P. T. is a cruiser,
Every day she rides to school,
In a PT Bruiser.
There were two boys she liked, Reggie and Ronald. She picked Ronald, who she met in the secondary school playground, and based on the instructions of ARIEL, was married to Ronald McDonald at the age of only 14. She spent 14 years with him, until divorce at 28. To get away from her parents, she moved to Porchesia at the age of 19, where she got stuck in a Vending machine vending machine vending machine. However, the Porchesian Police (Dutch mink farmers with laser beam eyes) dissolved the vending machine x4. He had a burger making gift and she had a poetry gift. She began romancing Ronald with poems, and she wrote a first book just for him "Poems for Ronald". She studied poems in St Persil's, and based on the instruction of her teacher, set to work to write another poetry anthology "My Life in Poems". At 18, she met a posh boy, Henry Pretzel in school (not the man but the boy). He was very rich. He travelled in a chauffeured limousine. P. T. travelled in a PT Cruiser. He lived in a giant palace. She lived in a penthouse with Ronald. He had 10 servants. She had herself, Ronald and a non-resident housekeeper. She had a poetry gift and he had a pretzel making gift. Even though the two were very different, they proposed in the playing field. But the proposal lasted only 4 days. The boy's mother did not welcome P. T. so she ran away back to the kind heart of Ronald.
She wrote more poetry books. "Poems of Childhood", "A Palace of Poems", "A Good Poetess" and "The Heart of a Poetess". At 23, she travelled around the world with Ronald McDonald to show off her poems. Sadly, Ronald was poisoned by a poisonous herb at the age of only 25. The doctor came, and gave Ronald Lotion, which he ate and shortly got better. But, back at home, when she was 24, she got paralysis from bumping into a wall. Ronald was desperate to cure her, but he did not know how. The doctor cured her, however, with the magic of Pathetic Pills and Pez to top it all off.
She lived a good long life until she was 70 (she got mauled by the infamous Young McDonald when she was 67). She moved to Psychedelia at the age of 22, when she converted to Smurfism. She lived 1 year in a cottage on the Psychedelic coast. Ronald wrote a music album "McDonalds in Da House: Just Call and We'll Deliver to Yo Door". She kept a pet Parkerwocky for 2 months before it ran away. But she didn't move because Psychedelia doesn't really exist. She married Henry Pretzel after Ronald McDonald, who welcomed the proposal this time, had a son G. T. Cruiser when she was 28, and she wrote poetry books including "Words are a Paintbrush", "A Year of Poems", and "One Big Poem". She converted back again to Laundry Detergentism at 25. Ronald wrote a book too "P-O-E-M-S". Poems were her life, and his too. She came to Henry Pretzel's funeral but was so sad and angry when he died. Ronald lived to be 69 (he died from eating a pretzel.)
Works[edit]
1940 (age 16)- Poems for Ronald
1942 (age 18)- My Life in Poems
1945 (age 21)- Poems of Childhood
1946 (age 23)- A Palace of Poems
1947 (age 24)- A Good Poetess
1949 (age 26)- The Heart of a Poetess
1955 (age 32) - Words are a Paintbrush
1963 (age 40- One Big Poem
1964 (age 41)- A Year of Poems
1966 (age 43)- P-O-E-M-S by Ronald