Vending machine vending machine
“For your legal tender, we shall vender, your vender, and then off to the pub for a bender!”
The vending machine vending machine is a vending machine which vends vending machines. The world's only vending machine vending machine is found in Kathmandu. Very little is known about this legendary construction, how it came into being is a mystery. The vending machine vending machine is maintained by its guardians, an equally mysterious group known only as the guardians of the vending machine vending machine or TGOTVMVM. It is they who control the distribution of the vending machines which the vending machine vending machine produces. The vending machine vending machine does not accept normal tender, rather only your children's souls and/or human sacrifice. Inserting either of these will produce the much sought after vending machines, which are of the highest quality to be found anywhere in the world.
Each new vending machine is ritually blessed by the highest echelons of TGOTVMVM before being carefully packed and shipped around the world in delicate giant bubble wrap and silvery ribbons carefully laced together by the young apprentices of TGOTVMVM who have a pair of scisors which they use to scrape the end of the ribbon to get that curly effect thing it does.
The vending machine vending machine should not be mystaken for the coffee dispenser coffee dispenser which is of no relation to the vending machine vending machine nor TGOTVMVM. The coffee dispenser coffee dispenser is considered very unsafe and is guarded by TGOTCDCD who are known to have less moral scruples than TGOTVMVM. Once a year TGOTVMVM have a battle royale with TGOTCDCD by dispensing coffee machines or vending vending machines and throwing them at each other. When the battle royale is over, the TGOTCDCDs and the TGOTVMVM shake each others hand and have a lunch consisting of Doritos and black coffee.
Creation[edit]
None speak of how exactly the vending machine vending machine came into existence, but some think it may even have vended itself, seeing a need for vending in the world where it was needed...to vend. It is also rumoured to have been vended by a higher level of vending machine, the legendary vending machine vending machine vending machine, although no vending machine vending machine vending machine has ever been found. The vending machine vending machine vending machine's possible origin also remains a subject of much speculation, and leading vendologists claim that the existence of a vending machine vending machine vending machine is highly improbable, as it would break the second law of time and space reality.
"Huh?"
...is all Mr. Gheligjeh had to say about this topic, but when his wife was asked about the vending machine vending machine, she explained
"You aren't ready to understand! It breaks all laws of science and nature! It's absolutely spectacular; I have pictures of one throughout my home, none of which you could understand. Some even say I'm obsessed but then, you wouldn't understand it even if you dreamed about the VMVMVM!"
The VMVMVM or vending machine vending machine vending machine is perhaps an alegory for the highest possible obtainable thing imaginable or Aristotle's concept of the unmoved mover, the vending thing which cannot be vended.
Commercial history[edit]
As an investment, the vending machine vending machine was hideously expensive in research and design costs. Normally, designers of a product attempt to manufacture thousands or millions of identical units, allowing design costs to be divided across a large production base.
This was not to be with the design of the vending machine vending machine. Sure, it looked like a great idea and a recipe for commercial success until the first prototype arrived at the loading dock. Immediately, disillusioned investors realized they had a major problem: the vending machine vending machine was unsellable. Because a vending machine vending machine can vend an unlimited quantity of vending machine vending machines, sell one and the market is immediately and forever saturated.
There was only one solution; a massive cover up in which the one existing prototype was packed up and shipped far, far away from prying human eyes. In order to ensure vending machine vending machine non-proliferation, it would be operated where sprites could keep tabs on it to ensure that it is used only to vend vending machines and not to vend more vending machine vending machines.
VMVM Humour[edit]
Mitch Hedberg, in a stand-up comedy routine, stated that he would enjoy a vending machine that sold vending machines. He went on to specify that it would have to be "real fuckin' big". He failed as a comedian and lost his next job as a bus boy.
Legal Quandries[edit]
The vending machine has been found to be in breach of the Presidential Coinage Act, and was placed on the Disallowed Import list due to its failure to accept Sacacwega Gold Dollar coins. Several Members of the House, including Rep. Terro Oqwama, decried the measure as "imperialist capitalism that would make the trade deficit expand to an even greater number of digits then it is at present".
The Surgical Vending Machine has been performing lap band surgeries to great acclaim in Sweden and Uganda. It is expected to receive FDA approval by 2086.
Vending machine vending machine vending machine[edit]
The vending machine vending machine vending machine is alleged to have existed before time itself. Its suggested existence is used by leading vendologists as a possible explanation for the origin of the mysterious vending machine vending machine of Kathmandu. The idea has also been seized upon by leading physicists who suggest that the vending machine vending machine vending machine, as well as vending vending machine vending machines, may have vended the very fabric of the universe, and may even have vended time itself. Steven Hawking has speculated that before the Big Bang, all that existed were vending machine vending machine vending machines, which may have vended space and time as a means of producing vending machine vending machines, and ultimately, vending machines.
The theoretical vending machine vending machine vending machine vending machine is a vending machine which vends vending machine vending machine vending machines. Some experts have suggested its existence as a means of explaining the origin of the vending machine vending machine vending machine.
Vending machine vending machine vending machine vending machines vend vending machine vending machine vending machines.
Vending machine vending machine vending machine vending machine[edit]
It has been argued that the existence of a Vending machine vending machine vending machine vending machine would break the second law of space and time, which states simply that: "A vending machine vending machine vending machine vending machine would be so powerful that it would collapse in on itself and vend a supermassive black hole which would accelerate the big crunch making it occur tomorrow instead of long after we pass away."
Religion[edit]
“Could God make a vending machine He couldn't vend?”
This was a popular question among philosophers in the Renaissance era. The Vatican even went to so far as to offer a reward to anyone who could find such a machine. But the reward wasn't that much, like, it was like those "Wanted for petty theft" mugshots you see at the post office. Worth a month's rent at most. All of the serious Renaissance philosophers, gentlemen and dandies ignored this quest and spent their time searching for the foreskin of Jesus.
Micro vending machines[edit]
There is no proof to date that micro vending machines exist despite claims to the contrary all apparent micro vending machines always turn out to be dispensers.
Candy Dispensers should never be considered vending machines even micro vending machines. This reasoning falls inline with early eastern philosophy that soul dispensers were the first and last and only ever real dispensers to exist.
Facts[edit]
- The vending machine vending machine will not dispense free product.
- It is believed to have been made by Sprites, small fairies that can be found in some vending machines maintaining them.
- The vending machine vending machine does not accept Canadian coins.
- It never eats money, just your soul.
- Due to the high cost of transporting vending machines to their intended destination, many of the initial purchasers were Coke dealers.