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Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/October 8

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ancient porn

October 8: International Best Inventions Ever Day

  • 4004 BC - God invents breasts.
  • 4003 BC - Pornography is invented. There is no war for the next thousand years.
  • 4002 BC - Lesbian porn is invented. The first case of carpal tunnel is documented.
  • 2680 BC - Mayans invent chocolate and promote it with the slogan "Everything goes better with chocolate including human sacrifice".
  • 500 - Germans invent beer. Anglo-Saxons would drink it but save up their ice for skating upon.
  • 623 - Sloth is declared a mortal sin by the church but morphs into the three-day holiday.
  • 1234 - The handgun is invented. This later inspires the invention of real guns.
  • 1889 - Auguste Eiffel builds his famous tower when his indulgent grandmother buys him a large Meccano set.
  • 1890 - Oscar Wilde invents Uncyclopedia and becomes the first user ever reverted and banned.
  • 1921 - Americans invent the bacon cheeseburger. Grease salesmen have their best year ever.
  • 1949 - Danes create Lego. Everyone else still prefers to use landmines to cause crippling injuries.
  • 1952 - Deep fried spam is invented.
  • 1963 - Hippies invent Free Love.
  • 1964 - Hippies swap free love for pot.
  • 1979 - The Victoria's Secret Catalogue is introduced. This is followed days later by a worldwide lotion shortage.
  • 1984 - Wales invents the cheese and ham toastie; it is made their national dish. Students rejoice.
  • 1993 - Scientologists revolt. Nobody cares.
  • 1998 - Monkey butlers are invented, but those damn PETA activists won't let us have any.