Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/October 8

ancient porn

October 8: International Best Inventions Ever Day

• 4004 BC - God invents breasts.
• 4003 BC - Pornography is invented. There is no war for the next thousand years.
• 4002 BC - Lesbian porn is invented. The first case of carpal tunnel is documented.
• 2680 BC - Mayans invent chocolate and promote it with the slogan "Everything goes better with chocolate including human sacrifice".
• 500 - Germans invent beer. Anglo-Saxons would drink it but save up their ice for skating upon.
• 623 - Sloth is declared a mortal sin by the church but morphs into the three-day holiday.
• 1234 - The handgun is invented. This later inspires the invention of real guns.
• 1889 - Auguste Eiffel builds his famous tower when his indulgent grandmother buys him a large Meccano set.
• 1890 - Oscar Wilde invents Uncyclopedia and becomes the first user ever reverted and banned.
• 1921 - Americans invent the bacon cheeseburger. Grease salesmen have their best year ever.
• 1949 - Danes create Lego. Everyone else still prefers to use landmines to cause crippling injuries.
• 1952 - Deep fried spam is invented.
• 1963 - Hippies invent Free Love.
• 1964 - Hippies swap free love for pot.
• 1979 - The Victoria's Secret Catalogue is introduced. This is followed days later by a worldwide lotion shortage.
• 1984 - Wales invents the cheese and ham toastie; it is made their national dish. Students rejoice.
• 1993 - Scientologists revolt. Nobody cares.
• 1998 - Monkey butlers are invented, but those damn PETA activists won't let us have any.