Myers-Briggs
“I can't remember what my Myers-Briggs Type is but I sure do like fried chicken”
The Myers-Briggs Story[edit]
Katharine Cookie Monster Briggs and Isabel I kept my maiden name in there somewhere because I'm posh Briggs Myers were Siamese twins who shared both a brain and aspirations of becoming psychologists. They didn't really have any friends, so they often used to neurologically fight amongst themselves, and this was the only psychological activity that was available for them to study. They wondered if they could define their differences into categories, but the only thing they could come up with was that one of them preferred pie while the other preferred fried chicken. This led them to accuse each other of being adopted, which was kind of pointless considering that they were attached at the cranium. In the end, the twins agreed that they needed to consult an expert to solve their psychological woes. They journeyed into the enchanted forest to consult the mighty Jung beetle.
The Jung Beetle[edit]
The Jung beetle was a mysterious and wise creature, and an expert on psychology. Unlike his dung beetle counterparts who manufactured balls of dung for a living, the Jung beetle preferred to spend his time in a more sanitary and nose-friendly environment, contemplating the oddities of the human brain. Long since the Myers-Briggs' consultation, it appears that the Jung beetle has been poached from his enchanted forest home and pinned on a piece of thin cardboard in a frame in a drawer in a museum. The whereabouts of this museum are currently unknown, but I hear it has a good café.
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator[edit]
The Jung beetle lectured the Myers-Briggs twins on the system of the Jung Type, and how the human brain exists in a four-dimensional space of categories, within which people can be stereotyped and ridiculed. The twins promptly looted this information about the system, ran off, and named it the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).
Calculating your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator[edit]
This test to work out your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator involves taking four pills. For each of the four pills you must choose either blue pill on the left or red pill on the right. Gather the four letters of the alphabet associated with the four pills you take and glue them together to determine your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. In each of the four cases, you must choose the option which applies to you. There's absolutely no room for middle-dwellers, you're either left or right. Chances are that if you hang around in the middle, you'll fall down a bottomless crevasse and die of boredom.
 You have never used or even heard of the Interweb, and you are about to stop understanding this sent3nce r1ght ab0ut n0w, 0k4y, 7h3l23 w3 90!11 |
 You use, understand, and <3 the Interweb in all its bork'd glory, and you would be fragged without it. |
You get out in the real world and do real world things like changing diapers and digging holes and playing drums, and you come home sweaty and smelly in the evening. |
You daydream frequently and concoct crazy stories, never getting any real work done. You probably invented Scientology. |
While some may think with their heart, you wear a top hat to protect your brain, because it has supreme authority over the rest of your body. You are deathly afraid of touchy-feely moments. |
You go buttsecks insane at the drop of a grain of pocket lint, and you strongly love or hate everyone you meet. Your tears are curing thirst in Africa. |
You like to know what you're going to be doing tomorrow, since otherwise decisions tend to go wrong when you make them at the last minute and you start to jitter. Like a bug. Not to be confused with the Jung beetle. |
You smoke P, you eat pea, you pee, sometimes all at the same time. You have no idea what you're going to be doing tomorrow because your plans always change, for the purposes of avoiding debt collectors. |
Once the effects of the pills has worn off, try and remember which ones you took, put the four letters together and you will get your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. For example, your type might be ISTP or INFJ. If you are schizophrenic, you have probably already taken the test several times, and your type will be something like EINSTP or ISPJWTFLOL.