Mike Pompeo
Michael Richard "Mike" Pompeo (born December 30, 1963), aka El Pompei-Oh Porompompero, was the Secretary of State of the United States during the Donald Trump administration. Previously, he headed the CIA before receiving a set of buttons to mark his ascent to the job of Secretary of State after Rex Tillerson was sacked.
Pompeo is Italian–American, and may be a direct descendant of the Roman general and conqueror Pompey the Great — which, if true, suggests Pompeo should take special care when visiting Egypt.
Early career[edit]
Pompeo initially planned a life of organized crime but skipped the Mafia to join the Republican Party. As he said at the time, "Less playing with guns, more advancement of money."
After an undistinguished military career (as the U.S. was at an interbellum period), Pompeo eventually slimed up the political ladder until he won a seat in Kansas in Congress in 2010. His political views were hard-right: that President Barack Obama was a Muslim terrorist and perhaps not really American at all. This idea — the Birther campaign organized by the John Birth Society — got Pompeo's full support. But once elected, he lost interest in that. Now his aim was to drink a lot of hot tea.
Tea Party movement[edit]
Pompeo was an early supporter of the Tea Party movement, the dry-as-dust wing of the Republicans who like dressing in wigs and carrying muskets. Pompeo got his ass elected to the 2010 Congress for Kansas and quickly made his name as the biggest Barack Obama hater, calling him a communist Muslim (or was it a Muslim Communist?). This got a big cheer with the Don Birther Movement.
What Pompeo actually believed was hard to pin down. He did have a nose for power and quickly hitched his wagon to the Donald Trump circus and supported the latter's run for President in 2016. This got Pompeo noticed and for no discernible reason, he got the job of running the CIA to see what evidence there was to imprison Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Rosie O'Donnell.
Promotion to CIA Director[edit]
In 2016, Trump picked Pompeo to run the CIA. Looking like a fat executive after a long lunch, he got on well with Trump and provided reasons why the CIA should go back to the old days and kill anyone who wasn't on board with Uncle Donald Sam.
Secretary of State[edit]
In 2018, Pompeo replaced Rex Tillerson as Secretary of State, but had no power. All telephone enquiries were now dealt with by Jared Kushner if you wanted to know America's Foreign Policy. If you had room for a Trump Tower...
Pompeo's main job as Secretary of State was to convert what President Donald Trump was demanding into language that other people could understand. Over time, Pompeo came up with his own gloss. He remained fixated on Israel, Saudi Arabia, and Iran. In vain, foreign leaders who had long considered themselves allies of the USA were given the rough end of Pompeo's tongue. How Not to Win Friends and Influence Nobody.
When Trump insisted that the 2020 election had been rigged against him, Pompeo kept alive his boss's hope of success. However, Pompeo began to disappear from the scene, and by January 2021, all that was left was the wide smile. Pompeo has left a number of unexploded diplomatic bombs and hasn't told the new administration of Joe Biden where he armed and timed them. Expect explosions soon!