Mary-sue (philosophy)
| Mary-sue | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Scientific classification | |
| Kingdom | Animalia |
| Phylum | ????? |
| Class | ????? |
| Order | ????? |
| Family | ????? |
| Genus | invincibilius |
| Species | invincibilius sueus |
| Binomial name | |
| invincibilius sueus | |
| Specifications | |
| Primary armament | all superpowers |
| Secondary armament | who needs it? |
| Power supply | fanfics, most notably suefics |
| Health | massive |
| Mana | deviantart, fanfiction.net |
| Strength | EXTREMELY high |
| Intelligence | EXTREMELY high |
| Weight | Not fat at all |
| Length | ????? |
| Special attack | summoning it gaurantees you 0% of popularity |
| Conservation status | |
| KILL IT WITH FIRE!! | |
“U!!!! U THOUGHT U ARE A FAN!? GO READ STAR TREK THE NEXT GEN FIRST, BEFORE YOU WRITE THIS VANITY-CRUFT SUEFIC!”
The Mary-Sue(invincibilius sueus) is a nightmare to every fanfic writer. It is basically your everyday fanfic character, but is extremely powerful that they can destroy the FSM in seconds, and all the characters love her to death, and those who did not love her are treated as evil-doers.she can even break trough the walls of canon and have sex with Edward Cullen or captain Kirk.Without preparation, she can guarantee the writer of the suefic 0.0000000% chance of being famous.
Origins[edit]
The first mary-sue is created by a Trekkie . she had posted a fanfic to the menagerie known as " A Trekkies Tale". Inside was a character known as Mary sue, which is the youngest Lieutenant in the fleet — only fifteen and a half years old, as well as some nonsenscical and adolcent wish fantasies, And canon wall-breaking relationships with adult main characters. The suethor was exterminated from the menagerie, and the sue is still at large according to the anti-sue originization.
characteristics[edit]
A mary sue is extremly easy to identify, and 80% of fanfics you see in fanfiction.net, contain them. Any fanfic containing them is just like a 3-word article in Uncyclopedia , only 16 times the length. Well, we get back to topic.
The first thing about mary sues are they have weird or annoyingly-long names, usually being the name of the author such as Mr-ex777(the author of this article), or a twisted normal name such as Jayck, bellos or cattlynt.As we previously say, their names are also annoyingly long and usually have mystical twisted stuff in it, such as darkness, uranus,etc. So a Mary sue's name may go like this;
Alyzza starry nyght neptunnutus sanoz
Sounds annoying and weird, eh? Well, the next part.
A mary-sue is also extremly beautiful, the suethor will usually waste more than 8 paragraphs of pixels to describe her hair colour and eye colour (as well as over 8 paragraphs for everything else), usually written poetically with a tint of creativeness. They might have colour shifting eyes, green coloured hair, as well as shaping to the suethor's ideal, such as a 13-year old with DD-cups, which is usually what pedophiles masturbate on.Another method is to base her looks on the suethor, but this practice has been abandoned for long, since 99.9% of suethors are extremely ugly people.
Then, we will talk about their child history, which is usually really sad and angst....or so the suethor thought. These usually include strict catholic families, raped by fetishist fathers or the classic "Evil Steparents" method.They are also the result of a Mass Bukkake of over 50 spiecies, so a list of blood goes like 1/2% neko-jin, 2% Zombie, 3% Succubus, 10% Angel, 4% Vulcan, 17% Dragon, 6% Vampire, 9% Na'Vi.....NOOOOO! JUST KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!
Notice the illogical combination of demons, ghosts, angels and aliens? Well, then you can see the shit behind every poorly-thought suefic.
They also have REALLY SPECIAL POWERS that enable them to destroy dr. robotnik's swarm of 10000000 androids, as well as darth vader's dog. Everything is no match against them, such as a suefic that says kirk, spock and mccoy together can't beat the great lord of planet goatse but the sue can kill him in seconds. the worst things that go on are the fact that that they can only die if they want to, since they are too cool (or so the suethor thinks) to be killed. They also have a monument by their dead grandmother/dead dog/whatever, which has special powers that makes them invincible. And they also learn some techinques to perfection, such as firing their lazor, in seconds while other people had to learn it for like 5 years. They are even members of resistance/elite/rebel groups, and are always the most sucessful of them, and make the the groups members look like a dweeb. Depending on the situation they also have a special pet, usually ones that are cute, baby and powerful such as baby tigers, baby dragons, baby unicorns, baby flatwoods monster or even baby Jesus . one exception are pokemon sues since all people in the pokemon world have mystical creatures, but they can have Uber pokemon like kyogre or zekrom anyways.
After that we will talk about their relationships with other characters. basically a mary sues romance is viewing everybody as pedos, as every single male chacacter, canon or not, falls in love with them. In fact kirk having a relationship with a 13-year old sue makes him look like a pedophile. Please, stop making poor kirk look like a pedo, suethor!
Back to topic, in fact, anybody who doesen't love the sue is considered a fucker at life. Such unfotunate victims. A common trick of suethors is making the sue a relative to a elite canon character, and makes her even better then him/her. He/She can make the sue having team rocket-pwning skills better than her lost brother red, to the moment that all of giovanni's pokemon betrayed him, which is impossible.
Ways to do if you see one[edit]
Do not attempt to kill her. I say : DO NOT.She cannot be killed AT ALL. And dont even attempt to call Chuckie either, she can pwn him in seconds. There is only two things that will save you, the anti sue originization, and the canon fandom originization.These originizations will gladly save people's eyes from watching a suefic made by a eleven year old suethor. it is unknown how do they do it, but it is reported that they use trolling, negative ratings, as well as fire, canon and fake reviews that are actually massive rantings. The anti sue originization's telephone number is 164735232(I HATE MARY SUES), and the canon fandom's originization's telephone number is 531682034909(STICK TO CANON).
What to do if you made a suefic[edit]
If you had made a suefic, you are in BIG TROUBLE.The originizations above will attack you like killer bees, and they are even worse than Zombie Fantards. Your name will be tagged onto the warring board, Your fanfics will get over 3000 thumbs down ratings, and You will get "REVIEWS" saying "YOU KNOW REALLY LITTLE ABOUT STAR TREK! YOU ARE NOT EVEN A TREKKIE! YOU ARE A DUMB BIMBO! GO WATCH MORE ABOUT THE SHOW AND STICK TO CANON NEXT TIME! I AM NOT SHOWING YOU WHY BUT FACE THE WRATH OF CAPTAIN KIRK!!!!LOSER!!!!" Notice the all caps ? They are really that bad. Just remove your fanfic, no matter how good you think it is.
And Boy, dont even post this to uncyclopedia. It will Be considered as vanity And will be deleted.