Marco Materazzi

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Materazzi's dream after being attacked by Zidane.

“That boy wouldn't know a real roundhouse kick if it hit him in the chest in the form of a headbutt.”

~ Chuck Norris on Marco Materazzi

“Materazzi is God!”

~ Eric Clapton on Marco Materazzi

“What about Oscar Wilde?”

~ Perez Hilton on Marco Materazzi

Marco Materazzi (Matrix) is a notorious Italian footballer and at the same time a martial artist. His nickname is attributable to his rather... ...violent style of play, including many flying kicks and attacks (hence "Matrix").

World Cup 2006[edit]

Zizou dings Marco — tête-à-poitrine.
What actually happened

Materazzi is most famous for being the 14th reincarnation of Jesus, after Matt Le Tissier.

Materazzi's finest/shittiest hour happened at the FIFA World Cup 2006 final.

The match took place in Berlin on 9 July 2006. Wherre it was actually Materazzi who started the drama with a flying 'Matrix' kick at French player Malouda in the Italian penalty area, and the penalty that followed was scored by Zinedine Zidane, who managed to stop the ball in mid flight and then make it dip between Gianlugi Buffon's legs using his pure godliness.

But ironically it was Matrix himself who scored when an Italian corner kick bounced off the back of his head and into the back of the net as he was tying his shoelaces after yet another flying kick. and he took a hard shit on Jarrad's head

And the score remained level and as the match went into extra time, Materazzi famously taunted Zidane after a shuffle in the Italian penalty area, it is not sure what was the actual contents of the exchange, but here is a list of general things that were mentioned:

  • Zidane's ever mysterious bald spot.
  • Zidane's ill mother.
  • Zidane's sister.
  • Zidane's Algerian heritage.
  • Zidane's failure to join the Algerian national team due to his Aerodynamic disefficiency.
  • Zidane's alleged tie with Al-Qaeda (source: U.S. government).
  • Zidane's inability to do the roulette better than Marco's mother.
  • Zidane's short reign as God while the normal God went to the toilet.
  • Zidane's "shit" haircut.
  • France's possession of the Mona Lisa.
  • Zidane's mother is O.B. Ladin in disguise and is a slutty bitch of a mother fucker fuck fuck fucker.
  • Zidane's Infamous low sperm count which caused Materazzi to call Zidane a jaffa.

This taunt(s) caused Zidane to make what is reputed to be the greatest moment of all time, period (Besides when Zidane was sent off the pitch in his last ever World Cup game).

A charging "SUPER ZIZOUE BLEU 2000XX TURBO HEADBUTT", which has been measured to have 2 CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) of energy, was considered pretty weak by Chuck Norris.

Materazzi fell and his lungs, ribs, heart and manhood collapsed into themselves simultaneously, Marco has said that his insults "were actually compliments... ...if I wanted to insult him, then I can... ...that fucking cunt has stopped me from making mini Matrixes, fuck him, I have no pasta", and everyone gives a shit about what Materazzi has to say.


  • Materazzi is the only professional football player to ever have had "Frags" in his FIFA career statistics.
  • He is also famous for elbowing Carl Sorin in a match, after making a charging run from the other side of the pitch, he pwned Sorin in the eye, Sorin is reported to have been "blindly pissed".
  • He killed Lucus Neill, for which the Australian Government has endorsed a hit to be taken out, with the successful bounty hunter being named next coach of the Soccerwhos. This is how Guss Hiddink got the job - he killed the unkillable Frank 'Vieri' Farina.
  • Materazzi scored an own-goal at an Italy vs. Turkey match using "M4g1c P0w3rz".

As seen in the Mushroom Kingdom[edit]

In the Mushroom Kingdom,it was different. Here's what it looks like. File:Materazzi owned by Mario!

External links[edit]