Madhatter Project
The Madhatter Project was a scientific experiment conducted in New Mexico in 1943 to see if using an uranium based copy of Alice in Wonderland would win World War Two for the Allies. The short answer was ermm...
A top secret team of Lewis Carroll experts, nuclear scientists and Russian spies were brought together in a remote desert location to produce a weapon 'by 1945' or earlier. News that Nazi scientists were working on a similar project using the Brothers Grimm as their nuclear weapon source book forced the Americans to 'pull their finger out and start exploding stuff'.
Prehistory[edit]
In 1943, World War Two was underway and money for scientific research was flowing freely like water. In this environment, a new city - Los Alamos - was built. Originally it was "Los Alamos upon the Hills", but after the first successful tests the name was no longer appropriate as it was now in a desert plain.
Many competing scientific research communities were set up. One of these, the early Mad March Hare Foundation, was set up to document the process. This early group bore little resemblance to today's fine organization, and was initially interested in cactus farming and carrots.
It was also tightly strapped for cash, and was at the time being run by J. Robert "Jobbert" Oppenheimer, Albert Einstein and Oscar Wilde, who didn't have enough money for the time travel ticket he needed to return to the 19th century. Their office (and housing) was located in a room above a tokamak being operated by the much higher budget 20th Isotope Fawkes organization, which was busy inventing radon paint.
Jobbert and Einstein disagreed with Wilde about what research they should put their limited resources to. The J-E side suggested studying the stability of uranium atoms, while Wilde believed their time and money would be better spent seeing what happened if he taped a cat and a buttered piece of bread together and dropped it from variable heights. Jobbert and Einstein ultimately went on to form Madhatter Project and Wilde became homeless and was sent back in a time machine to Paris.
The Madhatter Project[edit]
See also: Murphy's law application for antigravitatory cats
Progress on the Madhatter and the Mad March Hare projects was slow. This lead to other scientists housed in Los Alamos to create the secret Dormouse Project which was to deliver a weapon shaped like a teapot. It soon ran out of dormice and had to use rats instead.
Oppenheimer shopped in a lot of cats and butter toast. He set out to test if this combination was thrown violently against the ground would produce something interesting. Due to protests by the SPCA, in whose closet they were working at the time, the group was forced to use a dead cat. This worked anyway, since it was discovered that cats do not actually have to be alive to land on their feet.
It was discovered that not only the cat-toast combination would not fall if dropped, if it was forcefully thrown against the ground, it would explode into a self-sustaining fireball. Big Bird lost half his feathers finding this out.
Testing the device[edit]
Oppenheimer was anxious to get on and properly test the Madhatter project. He promised the Mad March Hare team that they would get 'second' go at a Japanese city if the first attempt failed. The secret Dormouse project had quietly disappeared and the team behind that one were re-located to Moscow.
But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later.
Or maybe not. Should they choose the latter, within seven days, this page will not exist anymore.
Now, go away!
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