Linux Outlaws

"I hate this podcast more than Bill Gates."

-Linus Torvalds on Bill Gates

"I hate you more than Linux Outlaws."

-Bill Gates on Linus Torvalds

"Don't you mean GNU/Linux Outlaws?"

-Richard Stallman

"Fuck off, rms."

-Everyone

"Crap!"

-Fabian Scherschel

"We are the outlaws...We are the outlaws...We are... We are...We are the outlaws!"

-The Outlaws

Linux Outlaws is, erm, a freedom-hating podcast owned by Dell and designed for the primary purpose of communitising and destroying the Linux community. The name comes from, erm, the fact that Linus Torvalds has (definitely) put a bounty on the heads of the podcast's creators, Dan Lynch and, erm, Fabian Scherschel.

Although these two people live in separate countries, they use a really long Ethernet cable to connect their computers from UK to Germany. This cable sometimes gets tangled up resulting in strange sounds.

Unlike other podcasts such as LugRadio, the hosts at Linux Outlaws don't even pretend to know anything about Linux.
Basically Fabian just sits back with his Beer of the Week and listens to Dan waffle on, occasionally chipping in with helpful comments such as "Crap" and performing the weekly rant.

Presenters

Dan Lynch, definitely

Dan Lynch before his operation.

Dan Lynch after his operation.

Dan's past can be found amongst the dark filth of Microsoft's .NET development environment.
As with all others who choose to take this path, Dan sold his soul to Microsoft and thus lost his dignity permanently. Although there is no confirmation to the story, it is well known that he met Bill Gates at a crossroad and sold him his soul for a slightly-used installation CD of Microsoft Office 2000. Dan says he only wanted it for PowerPoint, but it is well known that he did the full install anyway.

His hobbies include stealing and dealing hubcaps from hapless Linux conference attendees and making noise when he can get his "music" studio to behave.

The main motive behind his involvement in Linux Outlaws is to someday be picked back up by Microsoft, forgiven and re-assimilated as a new member of their PR division.
When asked about Windows Vista on the show, Dan replied by saying "Yeah, definitely, I'll have to check that out", despite having full knowledge of the contents of its EULA.

He (definitely) recently changed his last name from "Freedman" to "Lynch" to more adequately describe what fate he believes Torvalds deserves.

Also recently, while intoxicated with tea and reading the biography of his all time favorite pop star, he hit upon an idea.
Out went "dantheman", "RealDan" and in came "methodan_the_podcaster_formally_known_as_dantheman_and_realdan"

Like, Fabian Scherschel

Fabian Scherschel at work.

Fabian Scherschel with friends.

Picture of the very first McSchnitzel Restaurant.

This iPhone-toting German drunkard is not one to be messed with. He can often be seen riding around his street on a horse, with his notebook on his lap, yelling "Linux - Fail!".

After running into problems with Firefox 3 in Ubuntu, Fabian made the damning statement that "this would never happen in Internet Explorer! I want my Windows..." before sobbing uncontrollably. Definitely.

The McSchnitzel Years

Fab is often known as "German McSchnitzel", basically from the chain of fast food penguin schnitzel restaurants that he founded. This chain was started as a simple street vendor setup and quickly proved to be popular.

After securing further funding and acquiring a shed, the franchise was launched.

In his home town of Wiesbaden he is notorious for his loud and incomprehensible television commercials broadcast on the local community channel promoting the virtues of "Tux on a bun" while calling his competitors "Crap!".

Fab recently stood down from the head of the chain to concentrate on his next secret project which is rumored to revolutionise the beer market.

McSchnitzel's Restaurants is poised to expand internationally with new branches opening soon in Liverpool and Redmond, Washington bringing "Tux on a bun" to what are expected to be eager markets.

The Media Years and beyond....

Basically, Fab also played "Dirk Shnerkelberger" in a series of films, where he was particularly famous for "adult" bedroom scenes involving a penguin, a bottle of vegetable oil, and a stack of slightly used Ubuntu CDs.

His film career has gained him several outstanding arrest warrants, and to this day he has eluded arrest because nobody outside Germany can either spell or pronounce his last name. Yeah, definitely.

After the Penguin Indows Virus scare a few years ago caused Fab to withdraw from his acting life and finding himself at a loose end; one evening he met his destiny when meeting dantheman online.

This fusion of energy and ideas eventually achieved critical mass and the resulting explosion gave birth to a small-time podcast while wiping out a small country called Belgium.

Facts that you should definitely check out.

• "Fab" is in fact just Dan putting on an accent, and not a real person at all.
• As a young baby, Fab's first words were "It's Crap!".
• Fab is Chris Proctor's secret cousin.
• When their international Ethernet cable fails, Dan and Fab resort to two coconut shells and a "slackwire" (long piece of string).
• When Dan is not burgling houses in Liverpool, he sells penguin skin tracksuits from a van on Upper Parliament Street.
• Dan is Brad Pit's son.
• Fabian Scherschel is The Stig.
• Dan Lynch is the Big Stig from Top Gear's US tour.
• Dan likes to send email to himself under secret names like "Dan Fish".
• Dan has a vendetta against America and all Americans and is currently in the process of starting a nuclear war against them.
• Dan was arrested in Canada when he was caught at the airport trying to smuggle in 8 kg of Vista DVDs.
• "Dan Lynch" is, like, basically, an anagram of "Bill Gates".
• Jono Bacon stole the crap alert. Now it is possessed by his aubergine overlords.
• Both Fab and Dan accepted CoC publicly and have both expressed interest in pornography featuring beards, pastries and poultry.
• Both Fab and Dan also use Slackware exclusively because they like the anal pain, but won't admit it.
• Clint Eastwood, Yul Brynner, John Wayne and the Dukes of Hazard were all killed in a homo-erotic duel by Butch Fab and the Sunny Dan kid. Dan fought in a tracksuit, Fabian wore a lederhosen.
• Desperate to move to a farm after a brief career as a World Cup sports reporter on the FABSPORTS network, Fab launched "Fabville", a virtual farm that only grows hops, malt and wheat.
• Linux Outlaws is available as "Linux Kampf" in the German iTunes Store due to a trademark conflict with the 1982 Kraftwerk album, "Die Outlaw Roboboten"
• For his 30th birthday, Fab presented Dan a 31-year-old bottle of German tea/beer blend known locally as "Teesel"
• In July of 2010, Linux Outlaws welcomed their first sponsor: Go to IRC, the online meeting service that will save you hundreds of dollars a month on beer and fish 'n' chips.
• In high school, Fab was the lead vocalist for a Nena cover band called "Pre Fab"