KoShare

[ v • d • e ]

“No one, and I mean NO ONE will download another file, even if they do have the file JEHOVA.EXE!”
~ John Cleese on koShare

For thousands of years Jews have sent their sticky hands in to just any possible field of expertise - banking, loan sharking, weird food, loan sharking, weird sex practices, loan sharking and making loads of money. And now, finally, the Jewish community and the World Organization of the Elders of Zion have decided to conqure yet another angle of the internet community - File Sharing. Thus, started the first Jewish Kosher peer-to-peer file sharing software - the koShare.

What is it all about[edit]

Produced by Ein Software, koShare utilises a unique numerological system to separate Sefirah (סְפִירוֹת sefirah) files from Qlippoth (קליפות qelippot) or shell files.

The koShare looks to be, basically, like every standard file sharing programs but as soon as you activate the software some major changes will pop directly into display. And they are, as follows:

Minimum Computer Requirements[edit]

2000 YCT (years causing troube) CPU
1500 Mb RAM (Jews have a long memory for what the goy did to them)
JVM (Jehova Virtual Machine) 1.4 or higher
Sound Card
8 Mb Graphic Card (since our life are miserable and bleak we don't need loads of colors)

The Pre-Install Kosher Scan[edit]

As a part of the pre-install process the software checks for illegal non kosher material content on the installed computer. Such material may consist of but not only:

The existence of both meat and dairy files on the above mentioned computer
Any "Shiksas" related material
files that may have been used during the Sabath.

The Jewish end-user agreement[edit]

As part of their ongoing plot to take over the world, the JEULA for the popular Jewish file sharing software consist of some draconian articles, who wish to maintain whole control over the life and soul of the koShare user. Some of the articles are as follows:

The user shall not allow this software to be copied without paying proper fee to the legal owners of this software. The fee shall be paid in cash, US dollar and in insequencial bills.
The user is not and shall not practice a loan with a reasonable rate of interest.
The user admits that Jesus is a nice Jewish boy from a good Jewish family who simply had some wrong ideas.

The Install Phase[edit]

As with many modern softwares the koShare strives to make install waiting time more pleasnet. Therefore, while waiting the user can expect various everyday Jewish images to pop on his screen whilst this [1] plays in the background. Just to put him in the groove.

First Time Activation[edit]

rabbi > Greetings fellow Jew and welcome to koShare! Thank you for your contributions. We hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, kiss your mezuza on the way out. Anyway, here are a few good links for novice users:

Ask Your Rabbi How To Be kosher and not just Jewish If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about koShare or need more help with something, try these: Language Essentials and Important details regarding Judaism Oy Vet! - if you need help with a specific issue We hope you enjoy file sharing here and being a Jew! Please sign your name on talk pages using four stars of david. If you need help, ask your rabbi on his talk page, or ask at the nearest synogogue. Again, welcome!

Version History[edit]

Version 1.43: Removed bug that caused the software to crash every time the user searched for Hot Jewish Porn.
Version 1.40: Fixed cashware extension thereby allowing rerouting internet credit card transactions to the nearest HQ cabal member.
Version 1.1: ~~Flatenned~~ Fixed Lebanon bug.
Version 1: Genesis.

The GUI[edit]

you might be looking for: This GUI or That GUI

The koShare system of Graphical User Interface is the result of many years of research into minimalist GUI software. It is in fact primarily text based, with a few graphics sprinkled throughout in order to keep users who where bred on "Windows" and "Mac OS" happy. An example of this new system of GUI is seen below.

An Example of the koShare Graphical User Interface[edit]

Welcome to koShare Ver. 1.4234 Build 245525($)
How would you like the serve the Elders of Zion today?
>TAKE OVER THE WORLD
Please lose the caps.
>Sorry, take over the world
Aren't we getting ahead of ourselvs? Don't you want some filesharing first?
>No, I want to take over the world
Can you even speak Hebrew?
>Sure, I can say SHALOM!
Oy Vey. Go and Learn Hebrew prior to world domination. 
Abort/Retry/Ignore/Gevalt?
>Gevalt
You don't speak Yiddish either. Press restart.
>OK.
OK what?
>press Restart
Oh for the love of god you shmendrik, just type the damn thing!
>RESTART




Welcome to koShare Ver. 1.4234 Build 245525($)
How would you like the serve the Elders of Zion today?
>Launch Lobby Attack
Please state your target 
>The Republicans
They're all for us you idiot!
> Evil Hollywood directors
They're all Jewish
>Oh, sorry about that
That's OK. Please state a new target.
>Mel Gibson
Who?
>Mel Gibson
Never heard of him.
>Oh. In that case I'd like to launch a lobby attack on world terror.
Target acquired. Please enter credit card number.
>What?
Look chum, these things cost money, and being Jewish you didn't expect receiving anything for free eh? 
 Don't worry, we have a reasonable interest rate.
>Yeah right. 


The Chutzpah of some people. 
Program terminated. Abort/Retry/Live in coexsitance with the Palestinians?
>Live in coexistance with the Palestinians?
Loading coexistance.
SYNTAX ERROR
KERNEL MALFUNCTION
FATAL SYSTEM ERROR
The system has encountered a serious failure and will now shutdown. For coexistance 
module please contact HAL 9000 or Deep Thought. You might as well give up now.
Oh, and you are likely to be eaten by a Jew. Take care!
Exisiting to FileSharing Mode...
Welcome to koShare's FileSharing Service, please search for a file.
>HOT JEWISH PORN
Searching for "HOT JEWISH PORN"
Found Moshe Katsav