Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 17

July 17: Dog Days Begin (Summer), Professional Copiousness Day (Uncyclopedia), National Lottery Day (Massachusetts)

• 800 - With the Roman empire in shambles, the Dark Ages begin, ushering in a time of mysterious axe wounds and serfdom.
• 1493 - Native Americans sail east and discover Spain. They fail to celebrate this as their shackles prevent feasting and dancing.
• 1612 - The first message by homing pigeon is successfully received. It reads "Send back the pigeon".
• 1741 - Massachusetts successfully holds its first lottery, with over £3000 raised after paying out prizes totalling £5. The legislature manages to spend it all in 3 days on parties, hookers and liquor, establishing rules for governmental spending priorities in America.
• 1717 - The Blackbeard Catering Company (pictured) is founded, offering full foodservice and a variety of bar items including rum and grog, all at competitive rates.
• 1877 - The Statue of Liberty arrives in New York. Her luggage would be lost and not arrive until a week later, leaving her with only a green bathrobe to wear.
• 1934 - Faced with demands to clean up its act, Hollywood introduced the Hays Code, which set guidelines for things such as the use of Negroes in film.
• 1948 - The U.S. Presidential ticket of Strom Thurmond and his New Hampshire Merchant Cat, Stripey, garnered over one million votes in the general election.
• 1955 - Disneyland establishes its independence from Pixar.
• 1995 - The Snopes website comes online, and the truth and validity of countless rumors and urban legends, such as the safety and sexuality of children's toys and children's icons, respectively, are quashed.
• 1981 - Absolutely nothing of any consequence happens.
• 2005 - Misquoting Jesus, a book by Bart Ehrman, is published. Within a few short weeks it becomes the center of a firestorm of controversy, most of it defending Jesus' accomplishments as described in the Bible, among them "champion surfer" and "speedboat owner".