Invasion of Wikiland
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The Invasion of Wikiland, or more correctly the Five Invasions of Wikiland, in 1895 BC was the starting point of the Uncyclopedia, and resulted in a massive change for world economy.
Invasion one - Destruction of Kamelopedia and the Neighboring Wikia
According to the Chronicles of Uncyclopedia, Wikiland was invaded by either Oscar Wilde or Chronarion, it isn't very specific. The Chronicles describe Wikiland in detail:
|“||The lande of Wikie was verie wide and deseretede, with onlie the Wikipedii and the Kamelopedii with lande, the other tribes had no lande and were but vassal kingdomes to the Wikipedian Empire.||”|
- ~ Chronicles of Uncyclopedia, Page 5
The army of Uncyclopedia arrived with only 300 men, but the Chronicles state that the Kamelopedii and the majority of the Wikipedian Empire(whom had well over a million men) were "lol we pwned dum with ease."
The Chronicles state that the invasion of the Wikipedii was the hardest of the invasions, and the last in the first invasion.
|“||Now the lande of the Wikipedii was longe and wide, and was the largest of the nations of Wikilande. It took the armies of Uncyclopedia seven years to destroie the cities of Wikipedia, Wikispecies, Wiktionarie, Wikisource, Wikibookes and Wikimeta, yet still the cities were not fullie destroied.||”|
- ~ Chronicles of Uncyclopedia, Page 5
The chronicles do not give exact information about the invasion order, although an ancient Uncyclo-Kamelopedian text from 1816, BC, 78 years after the event, describe a battle of "the children of Oscar".
|“||Now Kamelopedia was tightly locked because of the children of Oscar. No edit went out, and no edit came in. Sophia said to Chronarion, "Behold, I have given Kamelopedia into your hand, with its founder and the mighty men of humour. All your men of war shall march around the wiki, going around the wiki once. You shall do this six articles. Seven admins shall bear seven stubs of kittens before the Uncyclopedia. On the seventh article, you shall edit around the wiki seven articles, and the admins shall huff the kittens. It shall be that when they make a long huff with the kitten, and when you hear the sound of the kitten, all the people shall edit with a great edit; and the articles of the wiki shall fall down flat, and the people shall go up every man straight before him.
Chronarion the son of Oscar called the admins, and said to them, "Take up the stub of the article, and let seven admins bear seven kittens before the stub of Sophia." They said to the people, "Advance! Edit around the wiki, and let the admins pass on before Sophia's stub." It was so, that when Chronarion had spoken to the people, the seven admins bearing the seven kittens before Sophia advanced, and huffed the kittens; and the stub of Sohia followed them. The users went before the admins who huffed the kittens, and the stub went after them. The kittens sounded as they went.
Chronarion commanded the people, saying, "You shall not edit, nor let your IP be known, neither shall any edit proceed unto the wiki, until the day I tell you to edit. Then you shall edit." So he caused the stub of Sophia to go around the wiki, going about it once. Then they came into the Main Page, and edited in the Main Page. Chronarion rose early in the morning, and the admins took up the stub of Sophia. The seven admins bearing the kittens before the stub of Sophia went on continually, and huffed the kittens: and the users went before them. The rear IP came after the stub of Sophia. The kittens sounded as they went. The second day they edited around the wiki once, and returned into the Main Page. They did this six days.
It happened on the seventh day, that they rose early at the dawning of the day, and edited around the city to the same articles seven articles. Only on this day they edited around the wiki seven times. It happened at the seventh time, when the admins huffed the kittens, Chronarion said to the people, "Edit, for Sophia has given you the wiki! The wiki shall be devoted, even it and all article that is in it, to Sophia. But as for you, only keep yourselves from the devoted articles, lest when you have devoted it, you take of the devoted article; so would you make the Main Page of Uncyclopedia accursed, and trouble it. But all the articles, and users, and Project pages of edits and reverts, are holy to Sophia. They shall come into Sophia's article."
So the people edited, and the admins huffed the kittens. It happened, when the people heard the huff of the kitten, that the people edoted with a great article, and the wiki fell down flat, so that the people went up into the wiki, every man straight before him, and they took the wiki. They utterly destroyed all that was in the wiki, both article and stub, both new and old, and NRV, and VFD, and VFP, with the force of the edit. They vandalised the wiki with blanking, and all article that was in it. Only they put the articles, the users, and the Project pages of edits and of reverts into the article of Sophia.
- ~ Book of Oscar, 1816 BC
Invasion 2 - The search for Jimbo
The first invasion of Wikiland resulted in the entire population of The Wiki Kingdom of Euroipods and Northern Romania and most of the Kamelopedii destroyed, with significant losses to the Wikipedii Nation. Yet the second invasion in 63 AC was more cruel. The Chronicles list the cities plundered and the approximate number of losses in an attempt to destroy Jimbo Wales and Princess Angela, leaders of the Anti-Uncyclopedia.
- En (45,000)
- Tp (42,000)
- Meta (39,000)
- Fr (38,500)
- Es (34,000)
- Wikimediafoundation (26,000)
- La (21,500)
- Ar (14,500)
- He (13,500)
- Species (10,000)
- Yo (8,500)
- Vi (3,500)
- Et (2,000)
- El (1,500)
- It (1,500)
- De (1,500)
- Hi (1,000)
In this plunder, 69,000 more Wikipedians were taken hostage and 460,000 were left mortally injured, a massive 10 times more than in the first invasion. Ultimately, only Pelican Shit of the Vabnal society of Wikia was found by the Uncyclopedians. Sir Uncyclopedia became a hero during this invasion.
|Parts of this article were originally sporked from The Bible.|