I Respectfully Disagree

To whom it may concern,

With regard to my previous comments (Uncyclopedia is the worst), I would like to say that, though I made a number of excellent points, I had taken a copious amount of alcohol and Smarties and therefore I fear some of the clarity was lost. I would like to take this opportunity to respectfully restate my disagreement with your pitiful excuse for a Wikipedia parody and all it stands for.

First off, I would like to implore all who will listen to discontinue their patronage of this website because Uncyclopedia is the worst. What little humour there is to be found in its myriad articles has usually faded by the end of the first sentence. It is entirely a piece of claptrap. For instance, it derides India, New Mexico, America and numerous other countries. World terrorists responsible for chaos and destruction are judged to be world leaders while celebrities such as Bob Saget are treated as dictators! What a load of junky junky junky junky junky junk is this? Your presence here implies that you are a homosexual. I advise you engage in kitten huffing in order to improve your disposition.

In my opinion, the users of this website suck and their ideas concerning humour are lame. I suspect you all of being sophomoric lower beings, possibly Americans, who still have not tapped into the inner truth of irony beyond that crappy Alanis Morissette song. I did not think it possible, but you are by far a greater evil than Jimbo Wales and Wikipedia. Why? It is because your overbearing and controlling manner is comparable to that of fascists. The only purpose of Uncyclopedia is to allow a group of Internet fascists to while away their days e-burning e-pages – the veracity of this assertion is in little doubt. Do not e-lynch me because you are in denial. I doubt you have heard of Dada for you are buttmunchers. Few are concerned with the exploits of Oscar Wilde and hence I deduce that your continuous references to the aforesaid Mr. Wilde are not funny in any sense ever. Your in-jokes (in particular those regarding Zork) are not funny in the slightest. I urge you to stop masturbating or you will require Braille computers. What is the matter with you people? Are you high? I wish to return to my home. I hate Uncyclopedia – hate hate hat! Uncylopedia is a bunch of shit!

Concerning your logo, what is it supposed to resemble? A snake’s egg? What kind of idiot thinks that looks good. While we're on the subject, it is badly designed. If it is supposed to look like Wikipedia's logo it is just a feeble attempt at copying and copycats are just gay; as gay as a burst basketball might look. Your featured pictures are lacking somewhat in quality, unlike those of Encyclopaedia Dramatica where they use actual photographs and are in possession of basic editing skills. I entreat you to purchase for yourselves a copy of Adobe Photoshop. I feel it is an excellent piece of image-editing software. It is far superior to the antiquated Microsoft Paintbrush, which you appear to be using. It seems to me that you seldom look at what you draw. Furthermore, Mr. T stopped being funny years ago. Get a life morans!

Uncyclopedia is simply a substandard and derivative imitation of Encyclopaedia Dramatica, from which, I suspect, it appropriated the concept initially. It is not funny at all, ever, in infinity. It is simply an attempted rip-off of the aforementioned Encyclopaedia Dramatica. However, it fails to meet the standard set by Encyclopaedia Dramatica. Rather, it is tedious, dull-witted and disorganized. If Uncyclopedia were to be likened to a house it would be a condemned crack house. I do not wish to read about some nerd’s next door neighbour nor do I wish to read any of the other detritus that litters this website. I have noticed that there is little fact to be found here and, were one to erroneously take it seriously, one would surely fail one’s history test as I failed mine. In contrast, I have found Wikipedia to be useful and interesting. It appears that Uncyclopedia takes all of those sober, boring Wikipedia writers and gives them a place in which to attempt to write comedy material. In my opinion, it is a misguided venture as those writers are somewhat like my nerdy classmates. I venture that few would be interested in seeing my nerdy classmates attempt stand-up. Conversely, Encyclopaedia Dramatica is more akin to the popular children in school and consequently is more likely to amuse. Crap crap crap carp carp!

I find the concept of ‘kitten-huffing’ to be distasteful in the extreme. No doubt the person behind that concept had sadistic tendencies. It might have been good if it was sunny but this is just a lack of intelligence. I fear you are setting a poor example for any children that may happen upon your website. Indeed, I sense a lawsuit looming over you like a great cloud of misery and woe and I welcome it for it seems just. Immature little children will be induced to grow up abusing defenceless kittens. This so-called humour is considerably less enjoyable than watching Barney. I love Barney; Barney is ten times the dinosaur you could ever hope to be. That you would abuse such a jocund character causes my heart to weep. You simply display an array of cheap and bad jokes that are so over-used that they almost begin to be funny - but only to losers like you. Depart from the fair shores of the Internet and never again return!

The atmosphere here is warped and twisted and this place appears saturated with assholes. Your Useless Gobshite of the Month Award rewards those vandals who are ill-mannered towards other users when you should be rewarding the exponents of good writing and etiquette. However, if you ask me the content of this website actually increases in humorousness when vandalised. Your hostility towards 'noobs' scares potential new users away, and I am surprised that your membership numbers more than around fifty. Your organisation leaves much to be desired. Junky junk junk.

Everything here is nonsensical, incoherent madness like AAAAAAA. Why is such twaddle treated as ‘the pinnacle of literary excellence’? It defies explanation. The winner of your Poo Lit Surprise was little more than a blog. You think it funny when writers rant about their hatred of the Bermuda triangle when it is, in fact, the opposite. You are mistaken in your assertion that flatulence began in Africa. The original release of colonic methane actually took place in America. Crappy crappy crap crap idiots.

It's amazing how you people lack any sign of intelligence and are completely incapable of constructing a cynical, sardonic phrase or caption. My grandmother, who is a teacher once read a portion of your website and awarded it a lowly ‘F’ grade.

Your supposed ‘News’ page is horrendous. Simply ‘reporting’ about the likes of George Bush or about monkeys invading an embassy is not funny. My grandfather was killed when George Bush and some monkeys invaded an embassy in which he was staying. I find your comments on the matter deeply hurtful. Hate hate hat. It leaves me wondering who was responsible for writing these dreadful pieces. Some 12-year old on crack? A fifty-year-old blind man with three fingers on one hand? Eighty-year-old Chinese men in panties? Incidentally, I do have some affection for eighty-year-old Chinese men in panties because they come to my house and dance for me. But, I digress. Unlike the scientists who carefully craft each Wikipedia article the users of Uncyclopedia simply conjure up some random nonsense and make a web page out of it. That is so not cool! :( Not cool! Not cool. Ever.

Are you aware that your encyclopaedia’s supposed founder – Oscar Wilde – is a homosexual? Since he is a homosexual then a fortiori you are also a homosexual. I chuckle at the thought. If you doubt the accuracy of my statement then you should read his autobiography as I clearly have. The vast majority of the quotes you attribute to Oscar Wilde were never actually said by the man himself. I suspect that you just made them up.

How Uncyclopedia has survived this long is completely beyond me. It should have been shut down by the Internet years ago. There is no need to visit here as the Bad Jokes and Deleted Nonsense page at Wikipedia should be adequate for any man. Uncyclopedia is just junk junk junk and crap crap crap carp crappy carp.

I notice a distinct hatred for other wikis here and suspect that this is due to jealousy. Indeed, I would go so far as to say that you are guilty of racism against other wikis. For shame. You erroneously portray the average Encyclopaedia Dramatica user as an illiterate foolish yokel, when they are clearly much better and nicer than you. I am confused by your hostility towards Jimbo Wales, without whom you would not be here. I think that you should worship him like the demi-god he so clearly is. You should be thankful that he allows you to copy his website instead of threatening legal action.

If you wish to see a good wiki and to read many hilarious japes then you should visit Encyclopaedia Dramatica where they at least know how to spel (sic). Uncyclopedicrap (as I have taken to calling your website) is little more than a pale imitation of it! You are all humour nazis at Uncyclopedia. Just like Hitler. Nobody cares about Uncyclopedia because it is just junky junky junk junk.

I wish to set fire to Uncyclopedia and then watch it burn down. I also wish to urn it and set it in smok. I’m not quite sure which I will do first – I will get back to you. I wish to finish now by saying that I hope you find Jesus Christ. It seems you have a lot of hate in your heart. Thanks to the Lord Jesus my heart is free of hate which is why I hate this hateful website – because its hateful ways are anathema to my now hate-free heart. If you find this confusing then I suggest you find a Bible.

Fuck off and die.

Sincerely,

Noam Chomsky

P.S. It appears that your site is complicit in an evil Jewish conspiracy. I see this in the way you control information on your site so that no one can expose the truth, so that only your side is shown, The APOV, the administrative point of view. I have proof:

The other day I was talking to my girlfriend on messenger. I mention Kyle from South Park at some point. Later I searched for something on Google, and some of my results were in Hebrew! How can this be a fucking coincidence? They are not only watching me, they are toying with me. How the fuck would a search for stories by H.P. Lovecraft turn up Hebrew results? Google isn’t supposed to do that unless I tell it to!

I fear it may already be too late to save you. The Jew Matrix has you. You have my pity.

Uncyclopedia Replies

Dear Mr. Chomsky,

With regard to your correspondence regarding the abject shittyness of Uncyclopedia, I would like to respectfully disagree with you. You seem to have misunderstood the nature of parody and indeed the nature of reality. There is no Jew Matrix. Nor is there a cabal.

I would advise you to cut back on the booze and Smarties and to calm the fuck down. I have contacted Uncyclopedia’s psychiatric department. They will visit you next Thursday to assess your mental health.

Your letter, though long and rambling, is a poor show from one of the world’s top intellectuals. Perhaps you need a vacation. I suggest somewhere with no Internet access as you are only tempting fate otherwise.

Please do not write to us again. As much as we enjoy laughing our asses off at your ranting certain members of staff are worried that you really will ‘urn’ us in ‘smok’.

Sincerely,

Uncyclopedia.

Mr. Chomsky Replies

Dear cunts,

Suck my hairy Jiggily Johnson. I am not crazy. The fact that you deny the existence of the Jew Matrix only further strengthens my suspicions that it exists and that you have been subsumed into it. Also, why the unprompted denial of the existence of the cabal? It seems somewhat suspicious.

I passed your letters on to a black woman. She had this to say:

“Okay. I am a black woman, and I have read this site over and this is just WRONG, you people have to realize that us people out there do make a difference. Look at Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela, I don’t see any of your lil’ white asses doing what they did. And Rosa Parks? What about her? We do make a difference and continue to. We don’t want to be treated like this and go on the Internet and find that people like you are bad-mouthing us with pages like Nelson Mandela's Bathroom. When we had nothing to do with you. Sure maybe you have a problem with one or two black people, but that doesn’t give you the right to disgrace the whole culture.”

So, now the black people are angry with you too.

We are nameless (though, as you know, my name is Noam Chomsky). We are legion. We are a force to reckon with. Fail to comply and you risk facing our undying, unrelenting wrath upon your site.

Sincerely,

Noam Chomsky