HowTo:Love me

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Yes, oui, oui. Your lips, they tell me you can love me; it is so simplement!

Oh, oui oui, mon petit chou! You seem so, what is it, so in need of the love, is it, non? Your eyes, how they glisten like les diamonds when you come to my page. You have come for moi; please tell me that is so, mais oui, bien sur! I am so, what is it called, in love with vous, oui oui, kiss kiss, oh!

Maybe you are ready? Ready to love me? Moi? You need look no further. Look no further than my pants, non non, oui oui, je t’aime, bien sûr! You are such beautiful woman of good reputation and I think you should learn how to love me, non?

This longing! It has been so long for me!

Ahh, the finest of French cuisine; l’escargot! Le poulet! Le… brown stuff. …Perhaps one day I will treat you if you can love me! Maybe after payday, non? But no love, no escargot! Ahem!

Oh, it must be so many weeks since I introduce le jus to beautiful woman like you. I know you are probably very fabulous famous model and get so many men like me, but not like me, who beg for your attention so much as une minute! Am I asking too much for maybe quatre minutes? Non non, oui oui, let me say trois minutes, as it has been SO long as I say! I am pulsating and surging like proud spelunker with no cave to explore in the northern hemisphere! Oh, oh, how I wish to explore the Netherlands of mon petit chou! I think maybe, just maybe you can love me.

Hate is tres horrible, love is so beautiful and easy; we can all be easy!

You have such a hard day at work and you want rest, non? You work your hands to the bone all day and oui, oui one bone deserves another for companionship, c’est vrai? And those juicy lips like a pink g-r-r-r-rapefruit so watering for the warmth of something tres warm, maybe tube shape. Your lips, they tell me so much with no words, oui oui. They say they want company, the company of a friendly neighbor, the friendly neighborhood Cyclops, he lives in my basement, oui. Even the Cyclops, he needs the kiss kiss sometimes, too, non?

Please see I am so sincere!

Oh! But you turn away with no trust! No trust for moi! I give you my email (my real email! Not my for spam email!) I give you my phone number on a mostly clean napkin, but still you look at me like a street perv, le predator sexuale! But even that look is so sexy, it is same the look of your pushing 50 but still tantalizing mother. I see her at the grocery with her baguette and her carton of milk examining the cantaloupe with such passion. Your mother is not busy tonight, non? Ha ha, but I joke, see? Sometimes sincere but sometimes joking! You can love the joking man, too, non?

You have listened to the call of your body; we are fireside

I play the sweet slow music of popular singing man from l’Afrique in Etats Unis, I think his name is R. Kelly, non? He is singing so sweetly from the Sony speakers I use for sensual moments, moments like we have when your luscious lips of ruby come closer and closer to my private regions! Oh, how bold you can be! …Please do be bold, as mon ami here has been so lonely without woman’s moist and lubricated touch au naturale for so long, oui oui. A little closer please, oui.

Non? Not yet, you say? Mon dieu! How much do you think that glass of le champagne you just guzzled down set me back this month, euh?

Oui, oui, don’t be shy now! Always room for two here. Or maybe three sometimes, euh? …Oh, but I kid you now!

I am relaxing on the bed stroking my Persian; you are looking for your coat and purse ...Euh? Wait, please wait, mademoiselle!

Non, non, you mustn’t leave now! Le soir is but so young, and speaking honest you are on the verge of not being so young maybe in two years; now is the prime time for love! You are not doing very good job at loving me! Your purse? I have put it behind the couch for safe keeping. Just bend over the couch and.. yes, yes, like that, oui, oui! Ohhh… Just like a plump filet mignon… Magnifique!

Wait! Arrete!

Non, non, you mustn’t go! Just one more croissant! I bought them fresh this morning from …euh… Pillsbury. They do make the finest pastry, non?

Non, non, non, please don’t leave, s'il vous plaît!

...Fuck this Frenchie shit already

Look, I was born and raised in Ohio. Here’s a fifty; just blow me and leave.

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Ow! Okay, seventy? You don’t even have to swallow.


...Sacre bleu

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