HMS Pinafore
| Career |
|
|---|---|
| Ordered: | 27 September 1879 |
| Laid down: | 3 January 1881 |
| Launched: | 13 June 1881 |
| Commissioned: | 13 June 1882 |
| Decommissioned: | Never |
| Fate: | Sunk in 1898 |
| Struck: | N/A |
| General Characteristics | |
| Misplacement: | Pacific/Atlantic/Arctic ocean/The pub |
| Length: | Approx. 2,000 ft |
| Height: | Approx. 200 ft |
| Result: | Confusing |
| Propulsion: | Coal |
| Speed: | 14 Knots |
| Range: | 100 miles |
| Complement: | "You're so cool" |
| Armament: | Six x 4" guns, Four x 2" guns. Four Torpedo tubes. Clip on ram. |
| Motto: | "Sink the Frenchies!" |
| Lunch Special: | Scallops |
HMS Pinafore was a Pre-Dreadful British light entertainment theatrical battleship built and designed around an opera by Gilbert and Sullivan. It was the first ship of the By Jingo! Class of Insult Ships to take on both the French and Russian navies and help expand the British Empire. It remained in service until it collided with another British naval warship in the Mediterranean Sea as part of a 'Showing Off/Give France the Two Fingers/Display the Flag' cruise.
The new ship was supposed to be the first in an illustrious class of new British ships but in the event only HMS Pinafore was completed. The then British Prime Minister William Gladstone said Britain had more armed ships than the rest of the world combined so thought any more in the By Jingo! class were surplus to requirements.
Life aboard HMS Pinafore was very glamorous with the crew wearing handsome uniforms and get looked after much like a celebrity. Entering and Exiting the vessel was by a gangway with a red carpet. There were sunbeds, musical halls, casinos, massage parlours and other luxury facilities such as a karaoke stage to keep the crew very jolly Jack Tars. They were also shown how to sing in harmony and whistle up a patriotic tune at the drop of an admiral's hat.
Origins of the ship[edit]
The ship was built in response to the French ship La Can Can, a frilly laced vessel that looked sexy at sea. The British admiralty wanted their own 'pretty ship' to fly the flag and impressed on the government of the then British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli. This perfumed politician of foreign origin wanted to show his patriotism and ordered the construction of HMS Pinafore. To make it more of a naval dash than a serious fighting ship, the crew would be composed of resting actors and outdated theatrical impressarios. Unusually for a ship, the crew was a mix of men and women.
By the time the ship was ready for action Disraeli was dead and the need for this ship now seemed dubious. However, to encourage support for the navy, Gilbert and Sullivan wrote a comic opera about the ship. That allowed work to be finished on the ship in a fetching colour palette of red, pink and blue to match the crew's uniforms.
Deployment[edit]
HMS Pinafore's first deployment was in London where it attracted massive crowds who wanted to see it. Some even wanted to join the crew and sail the world. The ship went on to show its strength of musical comedy by anchoring on the River Seine in France. The French ship Le Can Can also appeared and there was a risk of war between Britain and France. The French backed down and were forced to admit HMS Pinafore was funnier than dancing ladies in their knickerbockers. HMS Pinafore went on the make a naval appearence off the Russian capital of St. Petersburg and finally steaming up the Hudson to impress the New Yorkers. The Americans made an effort to compete with their risque response ship Vaudeville but she was sent back to dry dock for engaging in 'coarse and vulgar' behaviour that had caused President Grover Cleveland to faint and split his trousers.
Old Fashioned[edit]
By turn of the late 1890s HMS Pinafore and its thespian crew were showing their age. Captain Richard D'Oyly Carte wanted only to replay all the old hits but even Victorian audiences were considering the entertaiment provided by HMS Pinafore was old fashioned. The real blow came in 1898 when the First Sea Lord (and the Second Sea Lord and Third Sea Lord) indicated that the ship should either be converted to civilian use or used as target practice. One last sea tour was granted. It would be the 'old girl's' swan song.
Disaster[edit]
In June 1893 HMS Pinafore was part of British naval squadron to impress a fleet of Italian Commedia dell'arte warships in the Mediterranean. D'Oly Carte (now an admiral) was on shore to observe the regatta from land. His second in command Captain Horatio 'Extra Rum Rations' Pugwash was in command of HMS Pinafore and showed off the ship's manoeuvrability and singing abilities when it accidently steered into HMS Campervan. Pugwash forgot he was in charge of a steam vessel rather than a sailing ship and issued incomprehensible orders. Whilst his crew attempted to change tack, drop anchor and splice the main brace, HMS Pinafore turned turtle and sank. A few survivors swam to HMS Campervan but Pugwash and most of his crew had gone down with HMS Pinafore. Their last words were 'the show must go on' before they drowned.
There was a British naval enquiry. The Admiralty board blamed D'Oyly Carte for the loss as he had hand picked the crew including Pugwash. D'Oyly Carte was imprisoned in the Tower of London and died in 1901. Attempts to raise the wreck of HMS Pinafore ended up in a French Farce when the recovery ship L'Oréal was in turn rammed by the German ship Bratwurst which was trying to snoop.