Goodfellas
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“wait this film isn't about Pizza?”
Goodfellas is a fictional tale about a man named Ray Liotta, played by Henry Hill. The movie is centered around the core belief of the mafia, long ass fucking nicknames and follows a man who wasn't able to be given a long ass fucking name because he had some Irish in him. Goodfellas follows his life through the good and the bad. It's best not to mention who wrote this article, or say that this article ever existed or this movie. What article? I don't see an article? GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!!! Anyway Goodfellas is a movie that was inspired by some guys book.[1] I think it was called... dumb guy, or maybe it was stupid rich criminal Italian guy, turned crack addicted loser. Like I said, It doesn't really mater. All that matters is how many assholes there are in this movie.[2]
Plot[edit]
Focusing on Ray Liota's early life as a mafioso, Ray Liota was exposed to the gangster life from his best friend Anthony Soprano. Soprano was a full blooded Italian so he could be made, while poor Ray was left behind in the dust. But that didn't stop him from leaving a legacy behind. He started his life in the mafia when he was 5, he got a job delivering IED's to the Taliban for his boss Paulie <insert long ass nickname here> Vario. Vario began treating young Liota as though he was a member of his family. He often times introuduced him as his "nephew" which explains what those to were doing in the closet. Soon Liota had blossomed into a succesful man, he had a wife, lots of money and was on top of the world until... he went to prison. OH NOES!!!!111!!!1 He spent 6 1/2 years in jail, in which time he met up with Tony Soprano again, who for some reason had chose the fake New Jersey mob over the real one. The two men soon became cell mates and later sold drugs in prison. Also, in the uncut version of Goodfellas, Ray “dropped the soap” and Tony “helped” him pick it up. When Liota got out of jail, he returned to his life of crime and he and Joe Barbaro ruled the streets with an iron fist until… wait a minute, fuck what I just said, that’s Mafia 2. Obviously Americas way of pounding our prisoners in the ass failed to reform Mister Liota. After a while Liota got used to the people around him being real men, and whacking the shit out of people that disrespected them. he even quoted himself saying "yea, murder is one of those things you get used to, I never did it. You see I didn't have the balls, of course, if I did kill some people I might haven't of had to become an informant FUCK!" Liota also began selling drugs. He himself became addicted, and then a bunch of people got killed because of the Ludicrous heist, I think it was like 13 people that got Whacked and Tony Soprano killed them all (what a dick, he was). According to a hooker, Bodies were popping up on every corner, and taking my BUSINESS!!! Liota, then showed what a coward he was because a helicopter followed him around for a day, and the crank he'd been smoking made him paranoid so he went to the police and told them everything they new. And then a bunch of boring Witness protection shit happened and I fell asleep, but I'm sure that part of the movie wasn't important.
Cast[edit]
Henry Hill[edit]
After much thought on who to cast for the part of Liota, they decided on Henry Hill, because Liota said the actor HAD to be uglier then him and Hill was the only manish creature they could find. Hill graciously excepted the job offer to play Liota, Hill thought this would be a great opportunity for him to get his name out there, but sadly (or maybe not depending on how you look at things) we never say Hill again. Some say he disappeared, others say he went into the witness protection program, still others say if you squint hard enough at the sun for about 6 hours, you can see his disgusting face.
Paulie <insert long ass fucking name here> Vario[edit]
Paulie was the underwear of the Lucheese family, and the man who gave the 13 murder orders. I remember he was fat, and seemed really nice in the movie. But still, 13 people is a lot of people no matter how you spin it. Thanks to that cocksucker Liota Paulie was sentenced to life in prison. However, he died of a heart attack. So, I'd say that Liota really did kill someone, he killed a nice, old man by sending him to jail for the rest of his life.
Tony Soprano[edit]
Tony has a much more interesting story. He also was sentenced to life in prison, and somehow managed to fake his own death. He put a dummy in a hearse and escaped it, and fled to New Jersey where he became the king of the mafia, and starred in the documentary "The Sopranos." However, tragedy struck one day, He was sitting in a restaurant one day and in mid sentence the TV cut to black. Doctors say "We'll probably never know what that sentence will be." They think that shock kicked in, and now he's as good as dead. He just sits in the dark trying to finish his sentence.
Box office[edit]
“Goodfellas gives me that goodfeela that can only come from mob shenanigans and a 'Layla' outro.”
The box office found that this movie made a lot of cash, it rained in over 46 BILLION dollars. unfortunately most of the money had to be paid to members of the mafia whose valuable reputation had been hurt by this film.
Footnotes[edit]
Crime films 
| Batman Erupts (unreleased) ♦ The Big Sleep (1946) ♦ Dirty Harry (series, 1971–) ♦ Good Burger (1997) ♦ Goodfellas (1990) ♦ Howard the Duck (1986) ♦ Million Dollar Baby (2004) ♦ Murder on the Orient Express (1953) ♦ Pandaface (1985) ♦ Pulp Fiction (1994) ♦ Super Troopers (1997) ♦ Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1988) |