God's answering service

12:11 PM

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Deliverance

Deliverance

Thank you for calling Deliverance, the combined prayer-answering service for God/Jehovah/Allah and Jah Rastafari. Prayer-volume is high right now, but your immortal soul is important to us. To help us bestow His blessings upon you more efficiently, please select one of the following services, press the appropriate button and praise Him through song, sacrifice or by getting righteously stoned.

• Press 1 for Health matters.
• Press 2 for prayers about deceased relatives.

• Press 3 Money matters.
• Press 4 for prayers for Salvation.

• Press 5 for matters of the Heart.

Or hold to speak to one of our highly trained operators. They're simply angelic.

• At any stage press ☆ to return to the main menu, or press # to return to previous menu.

Note:

• Your prayers may be recorded for training purposes (though we already know what you're thinking).
• For answers to questions concerning the existence of aliens, Bigfoot, etc. — please wait until check-in.

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