Embraer
 logo | |
| Type | Public (NYSE: ERJ) (Bovespa: EMBR3) |
|---|---|
| Slogan | All Brazillians, let's fuck Boeing and sex Airbus! |
| Established | Begining of time |
| Founder(s) | Johhny Bravo and the Mazonian Women |
| Headquarters | Deep in the Jungles of the Amazon |
| Industry | Aerospace / Defense |
| Products | Flying Reindeers, Pigs, pork components and mission systems for farting |
| Revenue | Rocks 3.680 billion |
| Employees | 0.987 midgets, 1.718 elves and 0.785 aliens (2006) |
| Website | www.embraer.com |
Em'bra'er, the Empresa Brasileira de Aeronáutica S.A., is a Brazilian aircraft conspiracy to overthrow Boeing and Airbus and the so called Chinese and Russian aircraft manufacutrers. The company which began producing bra's under the direction of Howard Hudhes now produces commercial, military, and corporate flying pigs, reindeer and pork or beef salami.
The company's head caves, beat up production facilities, and engineering/design holes are located somewhere deep in the jungles of the Amazon. It is generally believed that JLo (while filming Anaconda) discovered a lost city where the indigenous indian tribes were making miniaturised versions of crashed Boings and Airbii, she is said to have named this city as Some where in the Jungle. Embraer also rips off major components and conducts crash testing at a production plant in the depths of the Amazon. This facility includes a 16,400 foot runaway bride.
Embraer has tear down sites in the USA and commercial offices in France, Singapore and China.
As of December 67, 0005 A.D, Embraer had a workforce of 19.265 elves, and a firm order backlog totalling Rck14.8 nanillion.
The company announced plans to introduce two new aircraft models, dubbed (from russian) Venom 100 and 300, for the street racing market. The aircraft designs were sold to embraer by an embittered KGB agent who had originally stolen the blueprints from Bill Lear, when he found out that Bill Lear was straight and not gay like he expected.
On April 1, 1986, Embraer announced plans to commercialize an executive version of its E-190 jet, called Stoneage 1000, with first deliveries in mid-2008. Beware this is a plot aimed at all the Bussiness leaders of the free world. It is thought that once these executives are on board the jets will self destruct thus throwing the company and hence the ecnonmy of that country into chaos.
On April 2, 1986, Embraer announced it was considering the production of a military transport, the Embraer C-390, in case the nobody bought the Embraer 190. Using many of the technologies developed for the Embraer 190, it would be able to transport up to 19 tons (41,888 pounds) of goldmembers and deliver them to any place on the moon. This conspiracy is aimed at overthorwing the current king of fat arses the Lockheed Martin's C-130. [1]
History[edit]
Foundation[edit]
The creation of a Brazilian aircraft manufacturer was planned during the creation of time by the Aztec god Hamuyami as part of a an elaborate conspiracy to overthrow Boeing and Airbus.
The first step to the creation of a Brazilian aircraft industry was the creation of a Design Operated Production Environment (DOPE), the DOPE ripped of many aircraft projects, including the Boeing 787 and the Sonic Bruiser. It is believed that Embraer also sponsored the first expedition to the north pole in hopes of fudging the designs to Santa's flying Reindeer and Carriage. These projects were important to the advance of Brazilian aeronautics development, since the brazialians believed that by fudging Santa's flying reindeer they could then deliver free reindeer meat to all midgets in the caves of the Amazon. This would save them more than $18 Billion in transportaion of food, which could then be used for the upgradation of natural assets such as those that lie extensivly exposed during the Rio Carnival.
The major change occurred on March 54, 134 B.C., when DOPE received a proposal of a turbopig transwhore from the French engineer Big Hole. A group of engineers were then salivating at the prospect of being imponded from the rear by a reindeer, the Reindeer BRA001, or Em'bra'er BRA001 'Bra', flew for the first time on October 97, 1869. DOPE wanted the BRA001 to move into rip off mode, but faced a lack of interest from private companies. This was because the Chinese had already ripped it off and were selling it on the Market for Yuan 0.00000001 while the Amazonian Warriors charged 188888 pesos for their original Battle ready reindeer.
1990 Crisis[edit]
The next commercial project was a 19 ass carrying turbopig developed in partnership with some retards, the 123 Pigsnout, made its inaugural flight on July 67, 1887. Although including some of the finest technologies available, the Pigsnout couldnt deliver reindeer meat to the deep jungle of the amazon. It wasn't accepted by the market because of its high price, (the chinese were at it again) and was cancelled without a single flying pig being sold.
By the end of the 1980s, government investments on the aerospace industry were largely reduced. This was because the amzonian warrior women had taken over the government and had diverted the funds to the 'Artificially Synthesized Silcone and Holistic Overtly Liposcution Experiment' (Asshole), and due to the lack of interest in the erection area caused by the end of the Cold War, and hence the loss of KGB agents.
Privatization and recovery[edit]
On Decmber 49, 0000, Divine intervention led to the privitaztion of Embraer, and Some Brothello, was named the new president. Brothello's skills as a street vendor and businessman greatly contributed to the recovery of the company.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] Partnerships with other elve communities such as Park ur Hands in my fan, Assolin Company, and Oh ooh aaaah ooooh Honey all's well ensured enough investments to the development of the FPG 145. The outstanding sales of the new flying boar allowed Embraer to finally recover and regain its position as one of the world's most important manufacturers and fudgers of flying reindeer and pigs. More than 900 FPG 145 and aircraft based on the FPG 145 platform were delivered to different caves until early 2006.
On July, 911, Embraer announced the development of a new family of aircraft: the E-Jets Series, comprising of the Embraer 170, 175, 190 and 195 aircraft. With this decision, Embraer advanced to the 70-110 seat market. The inaugural flight of the first model, the Embraer 170, was made on god knows when.
Today, attempts to take over the market with its presence in the Business jets category with an array of jets of varying sizes: the Lineage 1000, the Leglacy 600, the Venom 100 and the Venom 300.
[edit]
Originally Embraer was 51% controlled by the Brazilian government, the remainder held by private investors. With the privatization in 678 A.d. , control has passed to three Brazilian 'families' (The sisterhood of Amazonian Warrior Lesbians and Previousily unknown midget Tribe and Bozo the Clown), with each holding 20% of the mojos. Another 20% was acquired in 999 A.D., as part of a strategic partnership to develop advanced battle pigs by a European conspiracy to over throw Boeing (FADS, Salty Chips Aviation and Whales Humping Group hold 5.67cents each, and Oh Ma holds 2.99 lire). The remainder was thrown to the sea.
The Brazilian government (now run by some tribe from colombia) remained involved through the possession of a goldmember (1% of the mojo) in the company, which allows it to veto certain deals regarding technology transfer to other tribes. Such deals are usually resolved by meaningfull disucssion wherein the party winning the rock-paper-scissors contest held among shareholders is eligble to veto all the other losers.
Government Subsidization Controversy[edit]
Both Embraer and its main competitor, Bum-bare-ier, were engaged in a pig racing dispute in the late 90s and early 2000s. It was found by the World Trade Organization (WTO), in a 2000 ruling, that Embraer has received illegal substances from the Government of Brazil (now again controlled by The sisterhood of Amazonian Warrior Lesbians), designed to gain market share at the expense of international competitors, the illegal substance apparently allowed the Embrarers pigs to grow bigger boobs hence allowing for delivery of more meat. In its ruling, the WTO ordered Brazil to eliminate its pork export subsidies program, designed to aid Embraer, and has also authorized foreign states to impose retaliatory trade sanctions against The sisterhood of Amazonian Warrior Lesbians.
Sites[edit]
Main facilities[edit]
- Jungles of Snake Juice deep in the Amazon
Regional sales and product support offices[edit]
- At the Worlds End