Doris Day

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Doris Day (born Doris Mary Ann Kappelhoff; April 3, 1922) is a treasure of homosexual and somohexual paleolithic film buffs everywhere, which led to her being voted as the 13th United States President.


Doris rose to stardom at the age of 67 when she fought tempestuously for a spot on the Dating Game with Chuck Woolery, who was then known as Titus. That episode is remembered for her one-liner: "I'm gonna wet my pants, I swear to God."

She rocked the musical world when she began singing for The Cramps a low-budget, high-alcoholism rockette band, known for hits like, If You Don't Think I'm Too Old To Eat It, and "Up The Butt." a cover of the Weird Al Yankovic song, although its believed that her version referred to different subject matter altogether.

"She ate it up" said Norman Rockefeller, her manager, and later day saint of the Church of Latter-Day Saints, referring to the effect that fame had on the starlet. "She used to get free ice cream all the time, everywhere we went. All she had to do was smile, and maybe a little hand job or two."

The movie Taxi Driver was reported based on her life, though Robert Deniro reportedly denied this, saying that he could never live up to her stature.

Miss Day is also very well known for being able to walk with her legs spread very widely apart.

In her later life she hosted telethons for The 600 Club.

Doris is also a descendant of Otis Daye, founder of Louisville, KY. Doris dropped her Silent E during the anti-acadian sentiment of the great war.

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