Dear Edwina

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Dear Edwina (alternatively known as Dear Edwhiner or Dear Edweiner) is a musical written by Marcy Heisler (book/lyrics) and Zina Goldrich (music). The musical on its initial performance garnered no views, and is now most often presented by children's playhouses or schools in a desperate bid to gain popularity.

Synopsis[edit]

The show begins with several deranged children singing about their "wonderful" town of Paw Paw, Michigan. They are all very rudely interrupted by a highly narcissistic and party pooper-type spoiled brat, Edwina. Lars, Edwina's not boyfriend per se but still boyfriend, proceeds to intentionally damage his leg to escape from this bitch. Edwina then directs a series of numbers about manners, despite local hottie Scott's efforts to seduce her. Scott later sings about his love for Edwina, but Edwina takes that dream and stomps on it. Scott's temporary sadness is ended when a Talent Scout from Kalamazoo picks him to sing the national anthem for the Advice-a-Palooza/hook up with Britney Spears. Edwina then sinks into a state of jealousy and depression at not being picked for the Advice-a-Palooza. Her vastly more intellectually gifted sister Katie cheers her up.

Songs[edit]

(in order of appearance)

  • Paw Paw, Michigan (aka Our Town by James Taylor feat. random children)
  • Up on the Wall/Bed
  • Dear Edwina
  • Here Comes the Bride
  • Aphrodite
  • Johnny Goes to Bed With the Queen of Boola-Boola
  • Another Bride
  • Karen
  • Lament about Brothers
  • Person's Name
  • Unity under the Hammer and Sickle
  • Intermission
  • Here Come More Brides
  • Periwinkle
  • Hi, Bye, Hi, Bye Again
  • Say "Muss"
  • Repondez S'il Vous Plait
  • Duggy
  • Parry Had a Little Puggy
  • Scott's big number that everyone loved
  • Depression Ballad
  • Hi, Bye, Hi, Bye Again

Public Response[edit]

Media coverage on this musical is nearly nonexistent, due to the fact that nobody knows what this show is. However, many children's theatre producers offer this musical as part of their play options. This does not stop the average person of being unaware of this show's existence.