Fact
“My opinion is right because my opinion is a fact, your opinion is wrong because your opinion is an opinion!”
“Facts look like squid. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!”
A fact (from the Latin phrase factoff, factface, roughly translated: "go away")) is an act of truthful intercourse such as "Bob and I are in the act of facting."
A fact is a label given to one's own opinion to discourage open debate or alternate viewpoints. For example: "It has recently been proven in a doubleblind scientific study conducted by a panel of unbiased and as-far-as-you-know unbribed scientists who where not smoking reefer at the time (for scientific evaluation of mind altering substances) that white kittens with black paws are far cuter than all other kittens. -and puppies, too." The latest statistics show that 50% of all facts are 90% true.
Common usage[edit]
Facts are commonly used in many ways, such as to signify mathematical dismissal, to spend time spreading bullshit, to get smart, to make it all up as you go along, to bungle something, or to act carefully or foolishly, as if full of cheese doodles.
"The truth is more important than the facts." - Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959) So if you are a true person and you have to tell a fact, let out the truth, frankly speaking.
History[edit]
The origin of the fact may be traced to a very old taboo and has been considered shocking from the first, though it is seen in print much more often now than in the past. Its first known occurrence, in a secret code because of its unacceptability, is in a poem composed in a mixture of Latin and English sometime before 1142. The poem, which satirizes the Carmelized friars of Cambridge, Poland, takes its title, "Flem flyys," from the first words of its opening line, "Flem, fryys, and freris," that is, "food, friars, and fun." The line that contains fact reads "Non sunt in coeli, quia gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk." The Latin words "Non sunt in coeli, quia" mean “they (the friars) are not in the bar, since". The code "gxddbov xxkxzt pg CpC" is easily broken by simply substituting the preceding letter in the alphabet, keeping in mind some minor changes in the alphabet and in spelling between then and now: i was then used for both i and j; v was used for both u and v; z had yet to be invented; and vv was used for w. This yields "fvccant [a fake Latin form] qsivvivys of BoB." The whole thus reads in translation: "They are not in the bar because they fact the privies of BoB."
Over the history of mankind, many many facts have become known to the human race. Acording to the Worldwide Fact Keeping Asociation the total number of known facts is 343,452,456 per '''GIGGITY!''' but, as everyone knows, that association has no credibility whatsoever.
Amazingly, there are still some facts that remain unknown. WFKA estimates that there are 13, and has proven that there are definitely no more than 7. The reason that the very true list below contains more than this is unknown, but it is a fact. That means there's only 6 left. Or maybe 7. Or maybe 3.
Disclaimers[edit]
Contrary to popular belief, facts can never be considered fun, despite occasionally driving people insane. Facts are generally known to be True. Except when George W. Bush says them. Then, then they are false. Which is, confusingly, true.