Bob "Two-thumbs" McGinty

Bob "Two-thumbs" McGinty (b.1794 - d.1602) is widely regarded as having had the silliest nickname of any inventor who ever lived (with the possible exception of Thomas "Pull-my-finger" Edison).

Birth

McGinty was born in Haven County Georgia in 1794 because his parents had done some very naughty things approximately nine months earlier.

They had, in fact, done quite a few extremely naughty things, but only one of those resulted in his birth (and it actually wasn't nearly as naughty as some of the other things they did).

Later, as a young boy, he questioned his parents about the circumstances that led up to his birth, and was told that he'd been brought by elves. For this reason, he lived the rest of his life with an irrational and crippling fear that the elves would one day return for him.

Early Life

When McGinty was six years old, his parent accidentally enrolled him in a special school for children with only one thumb, and it was here that he earned the nickname "Two-thumbs".

Even though he spent only a short time there, and all of his other schools had students with a more traditional number of thumbs, the nickname stuck, and would stay with him until his death, many years earlier (see: "Death", below).

Accomplishments

McGinty is best remembered for the invention of bobwire, but he was actually quite prolific, and is responsible for many of the items that we enjoy today.

Among his many inventions and discoveries are:

• The bob sled
• The bobbin
• Bobcat Goldthwait
• Shishkabobs
• Bobbing for apples
• Bob Dole
• The bobby pin

Contrary to popular belief, McGinty did not invent chester drawers.

Later Life

Despite the enormous popularity of bobwire, McGinty always considered it to be his greatest failure, as it had proven to be unsuccessful in ridding him of the elves that he so hated and feared.

For many years, he spent his days guarding the vacant lot that he believed to be his garden and shouting obscenities at the elves that he claimed were trying to plant carrots out of season.

Eventually, someone suggested to him that perhaps the best way to keep out imaginary elves was to use imaginary bobwire, and this seemed to bring him peace for perhaps the first time in his tortured existence.

He spent his remaining days staring out his window and eating imaginary salads.

Death

At the age of 73, McGinty fell through a freak wormhole and subsequently died 192 years before he was born.

Although there is no definitive proof, it seems unlikely that elves were involved.