Blue Meanies
“I've got a Blue Meanie fetish. I think. What is a fetish?”
The Blue Meanies, also known as The Blue Man Group and suspected as all taking turns as mysterious guitar virtuoso Buckethead are allegedly fictional creatures developed by the Walt Disney Studios in the early 1960's. The Meanies only appeared in one Disney film, Yellow Submarine, which featured mildly popular Christian Folk-Pop group The Beatles. Due to various sundry reasons, the Meanies were shelved after their ill-received debut in favor of more marketable characters such as Pluto and Count Chocula.
There are current plans at Disney to revive the Meanies as stars of a rollicking three-dimensional adventure for the whole family entitled We Never Should Have Let Pixar Go: What in the Fuck Were We Thinking featuring the vocal talents of Sean Connery, Carlton, and remixed vocal samples of Judy Garland. But sources at Disney insist that this is merely a rumor, and in fact the Meanies are not associated with The Walt Disney Company, Walt Disney International, Walt Disney Studios, American Broadcasting Company, Buena Vista Distribution, Buena Vista Motion Pictures Group, Walt Disney Studios, Walt Disney Parks and Resorts, or the Blue Man Group.
An Unforgettable Debut[edit]
In June of 1968, an eerie quiet descended on America. What was a-stir? Was there a problem at the old well? Was grandma out of old lady rub? Was there a dog needing its belly scratched?
The muted answer was yes, though not all at the same time. But beyond that, the eerie silence was to be shattered by the surprise release of Yellow Submarine, a four-and-a-half hour animated Disney epic about an animated land full of animated men doing animated things in the company of an animated band.
Selected audiences across the country at selected theatres in selected cities like Butte, San Diego and Cleveland were treated to the film; allegedly, in order to help the audiences through the nearly five-hour marathon of sloppy, garish visuals, incoherent storyline and shocking appearance of moderately popular Christian folk-pop supergroup The Beatles, a variety of psychoactive substances were distributed before and during the screenings.
Movie-goer Edward Hopper recalls, "There was like, man. Maaaaan. There was...all I knew, man, these pills they had. These pillllllllllls, man. Oh, wow. Never forget it. Never. I forget what film we watched, but wowwww. Yeah, those were good times, man."
The film was panned despite the drugs and the tepid popularity of the Beatles, who were quite popular in Connectthedots at the time, and lasted only three weeks in general release. Disney, discouraged that no one seemed to want a four-and-a-half hour animated film that made less sense than most Hunter S. Thompson narratives, put the Meanies on permanent hiatus. They also tried to do the same to the Beatles, but had to be reminded that although they certainly appeared like cartoons, Walt Disney Sutidos had not in fact developed them.
Hiatus and Beyond[edit]
Being put on permanent hiatus gave the Meanies plenty of time to reflect about what and who they were. They came up with a manifesto, Making Things Grey and Freezing Your Ass While We Party Like Drag Queens on PCP, which was subsequently pored over by Cambodian despot Pol Pot, though both Cambodian scholars point out that Pot clearly missed the message.
After the manifesto, they were out of ideas and fell into a deep blue malaise. Eventually, the tall fez-wearing guys with mouths in their stomachs ate the apples the tall top-hat guys had, and the hand-shaped guy was diagnosed with clinical depression. At the behest of their concerned leader, the Meanies pressed Disney to allow them the freedom to moonlight at other jobs, and subsequently most started working at Arby's. However, a small number of the Meanies, most notably Max and the Butterfly Stomper, continued there quest to rid the world of music and happiness and now work at Fox News under the names of Bill O'Reily and Neil Cavuto, respectively.