Blizzard Entertainment
“I know how to write an article about Blizzard De-entertainment unlike you since I play their games!”
“It will be done, when it's done.”
“Aren't blizzards made of pies?”
“Ghostcrawler for President!”
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| Slogan | DISCLAIMER: THEY'RE OURS |
|---|---|
| Established | 1991 |
| Founder(s) | Read: Read the article |
| Headquarters | With the fishes |
| Industry | Epic Phail Indus |
| Revenue | 10 Peanuts |
| Employees | Lemurs |
Blizzard is a game company/punk band/drug cartel known for the infamous World of Warcraft made by several unknown Alaskans before time. Until now (I think) Blizzard De-entertainment has done nothing. And then, BAM! They throw out some old games into the 21st century. For example... um... Starcraft. They have a knack for making games that are widely regarded as above average.
History[edit]
Blizzard De-entertainment was founded by M&Ms, AAA+ Battery and Frankly Stupid as Smiles & Sci-Fi in 1991, a year after they were declared unfit by the YMCA. In the early days the company focused on creating shotty game ports for other studios. Ports include titles such as J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Cheese Rings, Vol. I and Battle Chess II: Checkmate Cheesy. In 1993, the company developed games like Row Your Boat (Down a Stream) Racing and The Lost Hikers. In 1994, the company briefly changed its name to Crappy Studios, before finally settling on Blizzard De-entertainment after it was discovered that another company with the Crappy name and Blizzard Entertainment already existed. Shortly thereafter, Blizzard shipped their breakthrough hit Warcraft: Dragonflies and How Humans Eat Them.
Blizzard has changed hands several times since then, getting gobbled up by even bigger fishes in their little convoluted Bigpond (read - small).
In 1996, Blizzard acquired Condom Games, which had been working on the game Diablo for Blizzard at the time. Condom was renamed Blizzard North, and has since developed hit games Dildo, Diablo, Diablo II, and its expansion pack Diablo II: Lord of Deflowering. Blizzard North was last seen located in a small iceberg.
Blizzard launched their online gaming service Battleme.net in January 1997 with the release of their iBlizz-fest Diablo. In 2002, Blizzard was able to reacquire rights for three of its earlier Smiles & Sci-Fi titles from Interreactivelyplayed and re-release them under Game Girl Retro. In 2004, Blizzard opened European offices in the French town of France of which a lot of people play World of omgWtfbbq. On November 23, 2004, Blizzard released WoomgWtfbbq, its MMORPG (Massively unMultiplayer Offline Rehabilitation - Parental Guidance recommended).
In 2008, Blizzard was honored at the 69th Annual Make a barbecue competition for the creation of WoomgWtfbbq. Red M&M accepted the award which consisted of 2 Yummily-puke flavoured Just Juice Packs.
World of Warcraft, the game that all of your 40-year-old dads that just might happen to live in their mothers' basements play and constantly entice kids over this game in hopes of seducing them for their own sexual pleasures/gold play this ALL DAY. The World of Warcraft game takes you through the first player MMOFPoSG (Massively multi-offline fail piece of shit games) through the first person role of being a Nazi under the Obama regime and killing off as many Jews as possible in the allotted time that you get a cheese and ham sandwich strait from the bottom of the couch. You can confer with your best friends while slaughtering countless amounts of innocent people for pure buttfucking fun. It's a great way to unite families or just waste 15+ bucks a month for a ton of assholes that play 8 days a week.
Contrary to popular belief, this company is not owned by an American but some small Japanese man with little man syndrome who was very bored after watching too much Barney as a child. The company was built up from ground zero and started in a place that was previously used as a public meth lab for all kids 12 and under. It quickly grew and people that entered this public meth lab had to buy the World of Warcraft game to gain permanent access. The meth lab that was used quickly became a meth factory and inside every World of Warcraft game container you get your very own meth and supply of Trojan condoms.
Future to be released games by Blizzard[edit]
- iBlizzType: Not a game but a fully dysfunctional keyboard to be used with Diablo!
- iBlizz: Future MMORPTVS (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Television Series) Point and click! Now on your Analog Television!
- Warcraft 2: RTS (Rong Time Strategy) Click and Point! NOT on your Analog Television, but on your HDTV! (Highly Defaced Television)
- Diablo: RPG (Rocket Propelled Gun or something) Its a type-on-your-iBlizzType and click game. iBlizzType-fest.
- Raptor Jesus The Video Game: This game is predicted to be the greatest game of all time and to outsell World Of Warcraft, Halo, and all other games in a matter of 43 seconds. Raptor Jesus has been confirmed to be contributing his voice to the game, doing all 28-billion "GrRAAAAAAAAAAAARAWRWARWARWARWARAWR" and "RAOAAAAAAAAAAOOAOAOAOAOAOOWOWOROWOWOOWWOOAOAOAR" sounds.
Rumours[edit]
The rumours which are not true and has not happened and will not happen and may not happen in the future, past, and maybe tomorrow.
- Michael Jackson was once an employee. He was too busy doing... other stuff, like enticing children with his magical Sword of Justice. Mmmmm.
- Starcraft 2. As told by a trusted source inside the sewing industry. He now shows you how he found out).
- That is one heck of a complicated formula for finding out the fact that, Starcraft 2 will NOT come out. It is recommended you do not try yourself since the mathematicians/fakes at Uncyclopedia are too smart (read - DUMB) for you.
- May burn or cause insane amounts of insanity if you try it yourself. New Unreleased MMO. Not real since we have not been shown any screenies of how their new sprite-based engine 2.6.9 works.
- Yet another rumour is that World of Warcraft was made entirely by Lemurs. This rumour is yet to be proven.
References[edit]
- Wikipedia - Because it's Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. (right? RIGHT???)
- Tells us about Blizzards
- Tells us how Blizzard successfully used the 404 Error to attract customers
- Gives us false information on how Blizzards are made in Alaska. Oh how I feel for them.