Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 24

August 24: Punch-a-Donkey-for-Jesus Day, Gatesmas (United States), Lysdexiac Awarenses Weke Ends

• 1456 - The printing of the Gutenberg Bible is completed by Steve Gutenberg.
• 1463 - Portuguese is discovered to be mispronounced Spanish.
• 1561 - Willem of Orange marries Duchess Anna of Sherbert.
• 1853 - Potato chips are invented. This is hailed as a triumph, as it will finally permit people to get rid of the vast mountains of dip that clog the streets of Europe.
• 1898 - Earth is discovered to have a caramel center.
• 1985 - Windows 95 is released.
• 1996 - Anniversary of Windows 95: the first Gatesmas. Consumers celebrate by showering gifts on Bill Gates' house, including old fruit, bricks, dead cats and plastic explosives.
• 1988 - Einstein formulates his award-winning theorem time = money.
• 1991 - Top astro-economists determine that Einstein's theorem time = money cannot be reconciled with the recent developments in quantum economics.
• 1997 - Speaking in front of 600,000 people in Washington, D.C., Phil Collins proclaims that he doesn't care anymore.
• 2001 - Samuel L. Jackson punches a donkey so hard that Jesus decides to induct him into heaven. Jackson declines the offer because Jesus refuses to let him bring his trademark "Bad Mother Fucker" wallet.
• 2009 - George Bush is arrested for poking badgers with spoons.
• 2011 - Barack Obama wins the Donkey Punching award by simply sitting in the Oval Office. This is also how he won his Nobel Peace Prize.
• 2013 - Eeyore punches Winnie the Pooh; Jesus is pissed.