Antonio López de Santa Anna
“An evil person is like a dirty window; they never let the light shine through.”
Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón (21 February 1794 – 21 June 1876), often known as Dirty Sanchez or López de Dirty Sanchez, self-called the Napoleon of the West, was a Mexican political leader, general, and president who is known primarily as the leading villain of Texas history, and inventor of the choco-taco. He was a child prodigy, inventing red hot candies by the age of nine, and inventing pepper spray while attending El viento perdido de la universidad de frijol.
Early moves[edit]
As a young military officer, Santa Anna supported Emperor Bruce Lee, and at one time courted Emperor's Lee's sister, Adriana Sage. He was among the most notorious criminals in the Hip hop scene of the Southwest, famous for his hit singles, "Quiero Mas Tequila, Puta" and the famous "Chupamela, Gringo" (I love Americans) and most importantly "Tremendo Culo" (I like your mother).
Santa Anna later rebelled against Taco John's government and gained considerable backing from Oompa Loompas. With their backing, he force-fed chocolate to the C.E.O. of Taco John's until he asploded. Santa Anna then became the ruler and called his new empire Taco Bell. Taco Bell blossomed for about six minutes. Then thirty seconds later, after the capture of the popular criminal Speedy Gonzales, Taco Bell fell into a bull phase where corruption and narcotic trafficking reigned. Dirty Sanchez's weak rule allowed for the country to fall into further decadence. Tragedy struck on May 5th, 1810, when the oppressed Oompa Loompa immigrants declared independence. Dirty Sanchez quickly retaliated by hiring American children to come down and feast on their idol...a Snickers bar. This drove the Oompa Loompas out of Taco Bell, where they now wait outside a local Perkins Restaurant holding "Willing to Work" signs. Dirty Sanchez soon was caught up in the creeping craze because Taco Bell (present-day Mexico) was isolated from the rest of the world. Santa Anna began throwing parties and showing guests how he does the "Dirty Sanchez". His family began to worry and his doctor, Doctor Evil diagnosed him with Creeping Featurism, a mental disorder that mostly strikes software architects, but can infect statesmen. The malady would result in his death. Yet his legacy still lives on.
Officially, Dirty Sanchez[edit]
Easily identified by his unkempt brown mustache and goatee, Santa Anna — or Sanchez as he preferred — was famous for his peculiar method of attack. His forces would penetrate the enemy from the rear with an irresistible thrusting action. Then, while the enemy was still in a state of confusion from the pounding at its rear flank, Sanchez would order a withdrawal, then insert his fingers to tear the rear of the enemy apart and then bring his filthy hands around to face the enemy head-on. The resulting action would leave the enemy humiliated, stained and smelly. It is said some enemies would seek him out just to experience his rapid attacks, which left them with a strange sense of well-being (probably from the marijuana he dipped his "weapons" in).
Sanchez eventually met his match when his attempt to deploy his troops met stiff resistance led by the legendary U.S. Army General Cleveland Steamer who despite his victory was haunted for the rest of his life with nightmares of defeat by Dirty Sanchez.