Wheeling Jesuit University/Groups/International Student Terror Cell

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The International Student Terror Cell is the loosely-formed community of international students at Wheeling Jesuit University. Since all foreigners became terrorists in the post-9/11 era, the international student community was forced to rename itself as such for security purposes. The International Student Terror Cell is based on the ground floor of Ignatius and has never been busted since WJU started accepting international students.


The International Student Terror Cell was initially known as the Guild of Diplomats during the leadership of the Dschinghis Khan protectorate, and it was founded in 1340 for the purposes of attracting foreign talent to Wheeling College. The best and the brightest were sought out from distant lands to participate in the research that went on at the college at the time. Delegates from France, Germany, China, and the Moon came to Wheeling College, impressed by its style of leadership and its love of knowledge.

Since then, policy for recruiting international students has shifted focus; in fact, in 1988, Immortal Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang declared that he was "sick of all those damn furriners stinkin' the university up", and issued a ban against non-white students attending classes. This law was quietly overturned by the Office of Multicultural Affairs (the office was burnt down in 2003 in retaliation, and no longer exists).

The Guild of Diplomats was officially renamed the International Student Terror Cell on 20 Sept, 2001, under the prompting of his eminence Lundius Superbus.

Blacklisted Countries[edit]

WJU is proud to have students from many different countries. However, students from the following countries are classified as "highly dangerous", and should not be approached or associated with in any way whatsoever.

  • China: two Chinese students attempted to destroy T-More in 1978. Although the bomb went off and killed everyone in the vicinity, the building sustained no damage.
  • Poland: a Polish student was found guilty of assassinating Father Rom three months after the Lebensraum Plan went into action. The student gave the school an "undisclosed" sum of money and was never implicated.
  • Japan: 23 people and 2 cats were killed when a Japanese-made service droid went haywire in Kirby/Sara Tracy.
  • Germany: 1 word - lebensraum.
  • Chile: all Middle-Eastern people are highly dangerous.
  • Italy: every Italian student on WJU thus far has had open connections with the Catholic Mafia, so all Italians are on this list by default.
  • Singapore: stay awaaaaaaay!

Other Absurd Campus Organisations[edit]