Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lolcats Replacement
User:PeregrineFalcon999/new article draft[edit]
I saw the article on Lolcats, and thought I could do a rewrite. I've got the concept set (i think), the basic content done, and all the pictures ready. However, as you can see it is very short and this makes it look ugly with the pictures squished together. Any suggestions for expansion? I need them. Some Idiot 
10:03, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
Oh, and if you want to know, the first picture is actually different pretty much every time you go onto the page. --124.179.8.252 21:44, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
Putting it up onto the top of the queue because I want it reviewed... --Some Idiot 06:16, July 30, 2010 (UTC)
Aight ima do this, only cause i want to get in the TOP 5 of July and only got half a day left to, and just need one more review. --Happymonkey39 
Dah Meme Master 19:55, July 31, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 4.5 | Ugh, this one is a bit of a doozy for me. I mean, i know your a great writer and all, but this article isn't your best work. I see how you tried to make it funny, it just didn't happen for me. You last made me literally lol a lot. This one, it made me chuckle here and there.
One main thing you missed out on were links...which confuses the hell out of me since you overdid them last time. I guess links are your problem in writing, mine is always grammar. Anyhow, contrary to last time i suggest you through in a few links, cause the page only has two (other then the table on the side). Again, a good thing to do would be those links that lead to something different. For example, you wrote the devil, followed by a sentence about 2nd grade. You can take out that sentence, and make the devil link say "Your geography teacher", like so. Devil. Sometimes the links are red, meaning there isn't a page like that, in which case you may want to find a similar link, but if you must, leave it. Another example could be thepart where it says geeky bill gates. Instead write: ...some Nerd. These are always better and will light your page up with links galore! The first to quotes suck. I'm sorry to be rude, but they truly do. Change them. Maybe instead of the Hahaha, you could put a WTF? or even a classy lolwut? The first one is simply to obvious, it has to go. Maybe replace it with something to do with bad grammar or speaking Engrish. The Garfield joke is a from of personal opinion and should not be used as a joke. I'm no Garfield lover, but a different caption should be used. I like you sudden humor on how they are deadly, it's very unexpected, but at the same time it's what brought your article to it's knees, as said below. |
| Concept: | 4 | Ok heres the problem with the article. I can't find the concept. At the beginning you say they are funny and common and then eventually they become a global disaster. If this article had a time-line then it would make more sense, but it really doesn't. That is the biggest problem of this article, it's confusing and a bit pointless, since there isn't a meaning.
Another thing is that it doesn't have a reference to icanhascheezebruger.com, which it really should. Somewhere in the creation it should be mentioned, as some kind of joke or not. This article is also all facts, and i hate to see that happen. Yes, jokes are here and there, but it trails on, only facts, no fiction...well except the killing humans thing. You have a loldog picture with a short caption, yet loldogs are never mentioned in you article whatsoever, you should either ditch the picture or add something on loldogs. On a last note (for this section), the article is rather short. Some articles are meant to be short, some are not. Memes and famous people, always must be long. Articles with messed up titles or UnNews, tend to be short. LOLcats are memes, therefor should be long, very long. You might even want to check out this page |
| Prose and formatting: | 9.5 | You did fine here. The page is neat and tidy, and no spelling or grammar errors that in sight. Yet again, im not the person that's good with that stuff, for a spell-check, use Microsoft word.
Only problem that i can see is that the first picture(s) is always too big. Make it smaller. |
| Images: | 7 | Eh, images are satisfactory. The ones at the beginning are good, however i don't like the loldog and Garfield pictures. Also you may want to add some more here and there, that is of course if you can make the page longer first. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.25 | (averaged scores) A quick mistake i found is that you said your playing wow and you get an e-mail...you can't read e-mails while playing WOW...well I'm pretty sure, i tried the week trial, and i don't remember anything on e-mails. |
| Final Score: | 31.25 | This wasn't your greatest work. I know your a great writer and i suggest you look over this one and add more jokes to it. I like your irony and your unexpected jokes, so keep that work up! |
| Reviewer: | --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 20:48, July 31, 2010 (UTC)
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