Uncyclopedia:Imaginary Poopsmith Guidelines

This page is considered a policy on Uncyclopedia. It has wide acceptance among editors and is considered a standard that everyone should follow, unless they don't want to, in which case they are free to ignore it so long as they're not being a dick. Please make use of the standing on one knee position to propose to this policy.

“The sadist (Poopsmith) occupies the place of the object, but without knowing it, to the benefit of another, for whose jouissance he exercises his action as sadistic pervert and a 'potential' sex offender”

~ Jacques Lacan on Poopsmiths and Admins

Poopsmiths may come to see themselves as 'Kafkaesqe prisoners' by the Cabal as seen in cult ITV show, The Prisoner. however such bombastic narratives only reinforce how hopelessly commited they are to their prisons, not only mentally but also emotionally.

Dear Incumbent Poopsmith,

A Poopsmith is the most vile sycophantic apparatchiks in the inner circle on Uncyclopedia. The ruling classes of Uncylopedia manufacture an inner circle that does not exist of course, but one that must be upheld via onsite communications to ensure the discourse of a ruling elite remains ever present and vital for the survival of Uncyclopedia and her benevolent overclass of admins.

Its so much more than just an archiving job, it is a job of pugilistic engagement with revolutionaries who wish to subjugate Uncylopedia to the Wikia Empire at the expense of her own ambition and courage to succeed. The role is not as an anarchist, nor is it one where you may have an opinion that is not ultimately approved by the hegemony of the Cabal, and any 'Smith detouring from this he will be stuck down by the ruling elite. Such is the way of progress and the way of order. You must never deviate from this.

Manufacturing Consent

As the first line of contact with the non-existent Cabal you must represent the Cabal and carry out their will while more important duties are attended too. This means keeping VFD/Ban Patrol/QVFD/Your lounge tidy and nice.

Doing these duties will be impeded by a series of whiners and political extremists who serve either the Wikia empire or Marxist revolutionaries – Uncyclopedia must never surrender to these pusillanimous Yes Men or discordant voices of malcontent.

The best way as has been handed down to uphold the Cabal's Hegemony via a series of 'Filters', most notably contained in the Ministry of Truth Doctrine. The five Filters are as follows:

• A dominant unquestioned hegemony Dominant speakers and discourses being controlled by the ruling elite is the first filter and is not the domain of the lowly poopsmith – his goal is as a facilitator of this once this is established. Of course the great Chronarion gave birth to the elites and they have rightfully asserting their ideals and better society for the proles since 2005
• Controlling the truth and its outlets Advertising comes in the form of whoring, as it is more traditionally known in the Cabal. This is attempting to game high prestige for menial tasks, first and foremost a Poopsmith was an agent of the whoring element on Uncylopedia – he was chosen because he manipulated feelings of guilt and shame on the part of fellow Uncyclopedians – through whoring and a Poopsmith must never forget his original route to the minor power he desperately craved when he welcomed all of this contributors or added retarded moribund comments on forums (Then whored about being right all the time). However all the whoring for the Cabal must come from Cabal sources of which you can now proudly say you are a slightly closer proxy to.
• The Truth is really a subjective thing and all Uncylopedia sources of truth must be sourced in a way that ultimately benefits the Cabal. Thus UnSignpost must serve the ruling elites; first and foremost, facts then come second after being mediated by the Cabal. Since you are also a conduit of the Cabal your truths must be their truths. We must be bold in speaking one voice and one dominant discourse – we are only individuals in our creativity on Uncylopedia, not in our persons.

A logo that functions not as a signifier of a Poopsmith removing crap, but of one peddling it to unsuspecting Uncyclopedians.

• Flak and bullying: This is your main domain; you must bully and cruelly maim naysayers or dissidents with verbal putdowns or sophistry. The aim must be to permanently psychologically maim or castrate such individuals from ever raising disagreement with the Cabal or Sophia again. Nicknames, amusing third party anecdotes or petty propaganda (hate articles) are your main weapons. Remember your legislature only goes as far as you can in some respect “appear” reasonable while doing these generally unpleasant, but necessary activities.
• An enemy is the surest way of controlling the discourse amongst the useless eaters/great unwashed/proles/wage taxpaying scum/women. This should usually take the form of a troublesome contributor who should be made a pariah by both yourself and the ruling elites above you. This can also be an external force such as, for example, user retention and contribution. Of course its better to blame individuals as even people can’t see a face on Uncylopedia, they can at least have a direction for their hate – which is notably exacerbated by the aforementioned filters.

Other duties

• Archiving your old articles that have been deleted by the voting scum
• Actually taking part in VFD/Ban Patrol and QVFD helps as well as being vaguely competent.
• Occationally creating new archives when your computer crashes

See also

• Propaganda - Bill O'Reilly advises reading this